Ever since that scary situation with my now ex-friend I've been doing a lot of thinking regarding my friendships, especially with men. I'm now more painfully aware that many of the people in my life who I call friends are simply out to get something from me. And that something is sex most of the time.
I feel like cutting more people from my life is imminent, which sucks. But I feel that I can not keep up with friendships with people whose desired end result is their penis entering my vagina. I invest a lot of time, emotion, and energy into my friends. Sometimes, I can be hard to get a hold of and am occasionally reclusive, but if any one of them at any point sends me an SOS I'm there for them.
Aside from asexuality, wanting to fuck is normal. I can appreciate this. I don't have a problem with friends who ask for something more from me. What I have a problem with the utter disregard some of these 'friends' show when I exercise my right to say no. They keep pushing the subject and asking why not them, basically backing me into a corner.
I'm a nice person. I don't want to have to explain why I'm not attracted to someone. A simple, "I'm just not into you like that" should be sufficient, but it's apparently not. They ask for a laundry list of reasons why I haven't chose to sleep with them so that they can argue their case. They compare themselves to whoever I'm currently seeing and insist that they are better than the person I'm choosing to sleep with with the most.
I can't stand that lack of respect. You don't have to like my boyfriend/girlfriend. You might think the relationship is a mistake. But goddammit, it's my mistake to make.
So yeah. I think more people are going to end up being cut out of my life. I can no longer stand to put myself in uncomfortable situations.
Other than that, things have been sublime. Sure, I still have my issues and there's a lot left to work out still, but for the first time in over five years I feel like everything is going to be okay.
I'm head over heels for the boy. He melts my icy heart. I didn't think I could feel this way about anyone again. I haven't met anyone who so wholly accepts me for who I am the way he does. I can tell him anything and I know he won't judge me. It's pretty damn stellar. I know we haven't been together long, but I feel like he's the human for me. Everything is just so exquisite with him. I know life will always be hard and that I will continue to struggle. But it doesn't look so hopeless anymore.
Also, we can share clothes. It's epic.
My very long shadow. Have you ever noticed the difference of a winter sun versus a summer one? It's brighter in winter, and desolate and stark. I have to shield my eyes more in the winter than I ever have to in the summer.
A street in Charlotte. The weather has been so agreeable here. I've been spending time outside.
I recently lost some weight. I'm almost back to where I was several years ago before a psychiatric medication wreaked havoc on my body causing me to gain 20 pounds. I didn't need to lose weight, but I'm more comfortable being thin. Also, my favorite jeans fit again. Win.
