highresolution

you are wise beyond your 18 years.....

someday, i hope to see the eyes that see such pain.... the saviour in me wants to save you....but the realist in me knows it's something that is up to another force in the world that's out of my control...something that commits us both to lessons learned or something else hopeful. the pessimist in me says it's all for naught and that we are the universe's marks of prey, to which lessons will be only a futile attempt at trying to attach reason to any of these experiences.

i can only take solace in knowing that there are others...such a twisted way of perceiving things i guess.... but without, to fall to depths of insanity... because problems while human, alone are torture.

all i know for certain is that i wish i could give you something. i wish i could give myself something....

but that's all i have -- that's all that is tangible -- the wish.

i wish i could write you some amazing sonnet or inspirtional hymn, or insightful intellectual asertation of what you are going through.
but the truth is, for all of the romantic me that wants to be able to do that, the realistic me knows that i have nothing to offer you that you cannot find in yourself.
years of feeling the way you are now, and grasping for small pearls of wisdom left me nowhere but lower, and emptier than when i had begun my quest for something to heal me.
you have been chosen, to bear these burdens by who and for what? no answer. but only you can step away. and re-invent. and leave it behind. not esier said than done. i have done it. and you will too. or not- it is that simple.
but you are not alone, know that. find strength in the fact that you still feel the pain, contempt, anger, and regret. because with the loss of those feelings you will have lost yourself. all of the evil would have conquered every last but of you. you still have a chance, and still have a grasp on what is your birth given right, to love youself, your life and all around you. to do so freely, with innocence, trust, and unconditional devotion and every fiber of your soul.
hold on to that. and push through with its strength.
i have been with you.
and will continue to be.
ps. the marolbourough man died of cancer. and i loved the picture.