A new year has started and Change is Afoot.
So many things have happened in the last few years - so many uprooting, chaotic, painful things. And I knew at SOME point, it had to stop and be MY TURN for a while. I'm not saying life should be easy. It shouldn't be. But I've definitely gone through - and for my own betterment, to be sure - some serious SHIZ: divorce, my father's cancer, rediscovering/reinventing ME, my work situation, my friendships, my romantic side, etc.
MId-August of last year, I knew things were going to change. And they have. There's the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Well, I've had TWO teachers come into my life, one of which is my new boss. Both of them are successful, strong, spiritual women who GET IT. They are in their 50's and they have managed to work through corporate America and NOT LOSE THEMSELVES. They are so authentic and honest. And I am grateful to both of them for letting me be who I am while at the same time "guiding" me to direct my energies in a way that will benefit everyone. Susan calls me a "ball of energy and light", but we both agree I am having to learn to focus that energy.
I start school for the first time in a VERY long time in about a week and a half. I did not finish my bachelors. I was the music major who also wanted to be the english major who also wanted to be the graphic design major who also wanted to be the IT major. HA! Well I'm at the right school now - I CAN do all of these things in bits and pieces.
Honestly? I am fucking scared. To death. All the stupid voices, the negativity - oh they are loud. They are the same voices that sidetracked me in my youth.
But they will not win this time. I won't let them.
I did something silly this weekend. You know those Build-A-Bear workshops at the malls?
OH yes I did.
When those first came out 10 years ago, I thought that was the coolest idea. And my inner girl always wanted to do one.
Well I made one this weekend, as my Go Back to School Mascot.
He's a Husky - not a Bear.
But I imagine him as a Wolf: Loyal but Fierce when needed.
He's wearing a little Harley Davidson biker jacket, black canvas hightops, and a pair of sunglasses. All he needs now is a little spiked dog collar.
He's my Biker Wolf, and he will sit in my office/study.
So every time I look at him I will be loyal to myself and fierce in my determination.
My loyalty to others has always been so deep, even when it had not been earned. Someone prompted me this summer by asking, 'What would loyalty to EauQue look like?"
What a question. Nailed it.
Loyalty to self is crucial. Otherwise how can we be loyal to others? Really, we cannot do/for others unless we can do for ourselves. Love, loyalty, cruelty, helpfulness, etc.... we do to others what we do for ourselves.
Ok I'm done rambling now.
Summary: good job, great boss, new mentors, going back to school, great friends.
I guess I'm ok :-)
So many things have happened in the last few years - so many uprooting, chaotic, painful things. And I knew at SOME point, it had to stop and be MY TURN for a while. I'm not saying life should be easy. It shouldn't be. But I've definitely gone through - and for my own betterment, to be sure - some serious SHIZ: divorce, my father's cancer, rediscovering/reinventing ME, my work situation, my friendships, my romantic side, etc.
MId-August of last year, I knew things were going to change. And they have. There's the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Well, I've had TWO teachers come into my life, one of which is my new boss. Both of them are successful, strong, spiritual women who GET IT. They are in their 50's and they have managed to work through corporate America and NOT LOSE THEMSELVES. They are so authentic and honest. And I am grateful to both of them for letting me be who I am while at the same time "guiding" me to direct my energies in a way that will benefit everyone. Susan calls me a "ball of energy and light", but we both agree I am having to learn to focus that energy.
I start school for the first time in a VERY long time in about a week and a half. I did not finish my bachelors. I was the music major who also wanted to be the english major who also wanted to be the graphic design major who also wanted to be the IT major. HA! Well I'm at the right school now - I CAN do all of these things in bits and pieces.
Honestly? I am fucking scared. To death. All the stupid voices, the negativity - oh they are loud. They are the same voices that sidetracked me in my youth.
But they will not win this time. I won't let them.
I did something silly this weekend. You know those Build-A-Bear workshops at the malls?
OH yes I did.
When those first came out 10 years ago, I thought that was the coolest idea. And my inner girl always wanted to do one.
Well I made one this weekend, as my Go Back to School Mascot.
He's a Husky - not a Bear.
But I imagine him as a Wolf: Loyal but Fierce when needed.
He's wearing a little Harley Davidson biker jacket, black canvas hightops, and a pair of sunglasses. All he needs now is a little spiked dog collar.
He's my Biker Wolf, and he will sit in my office/study.
So every time I look at him I will be loyal to myself and fierce in my determination.
My loyalty to others has always been so deep, even when it had not been earned. Someone prompted me this summer by asking, 'What would loyalty to EauQue look like?"
What a question. Nailed it.
Loyalty to self is crucial. Otherwise how can we be loyal to others? Really, we cannot do/for others unless we can do for ourselves. Love, loyalty, cruelty, helpfulness, etc.... we do to others what we do for ourselves.
Ok I'm done rambling now.
Summary: good job, great boss, new mentors, going back to school, great friends.
I guess I'm ok :-)
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Lucky for her she's so darn cute.