Existence beats nonexistence. Every time, folks, hands down.
Take it from me -- the one great unspoken tenet shared by sentient folks and complex organisms and plant life and fungi and protozoa and even Republications is: I'd rather be here than nowhere. W. C. Fields may've said similar.
To that end, a blog is better than no blog. A blog is a wee voice in the busy traffic: "Yes, I exist! I'm not a bot! I'm real and darn it universe I'm trying!"
(It's not uncommon for me to start out things like this with meta-mumbling. I'll settle down into content real fast. Watch.)
I would like to blog. I would. But what to blog about?
To that end, I've requested the help of my single triumphant SG friend so far -- Calico. If you know her, you know that she beats slice bread by a wide fucking margin. I've asked her a series of questions with the aim of creating something to help guide me through the confusing process of creating blogs here at SG. Let's see what she says in response to my probing questions:
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Headonist: Hello.
Calico: Hello! I'm eating a sandwich with no pants on. It's classy, I know.
[Editor's note: I suddenly like sandwiches.]
Headonist: Look, I'm blogging! Kinda! Is it going well so far?
Calico: Trying to distract your readers from my lack of pants, huh? Nice try.
You've written something. That's a start. It's hard to know what makes a good blog. Mine have only recently started getting high comment counts, and I think it's mostly because I comment more often on other people's blogs.
Headonist: In your opinion, what sort of blogs should I write? Personal -- the minutiae of the day? Political? Sexual? Does anyone want to hear about my sexual? I find that hard to believe -- thrilling and magnificent though my adventures are?
Calico: I tend to write a variety. People love pictures, and funny stories about your day. You can write about sex if you want, but you're likely to alienate some people, especially before you've really built up some friendships around here. There are better placed for sex stories- try here. I love it. Lists of your favourite suicide girls, or pictures from your favourite sets are always appreciated, though. If you're stuck for ideas, just post all the SGs that turn you on. That's what the site is for!
Headonist: And the converse -- what should I *not* write about? Presumably I shouldn't post my Social Security Number or the hours when I won't be home at my apartment where the front door locks don't work and there's a closet filled with diamonds. But what else should I keep mum on?
Calico: I think most of the things that would really get you in trouble are things you wouldn't do anyway. Stay away from personal attacks on any SG members, or people you think might be members. Don't say anything racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted. Don't post videos or pictures of yourself jerking off. Don't make requests for sex, or ask if there are any hot women out there who would like to accompany you on a cruise. Keep in mind that if you post something personal, people will comment on it. If you write a blog about your suffering love life, or your struggle to find a job, people will give you advice and tell you their own stories. If you don't wish that sort of intimate interaction with members, stick to lolcats and funny stories about your cubicle buddies. Oh, and an insider's tip: Don't reply to people by commenting on your own blog. Go and comment on theirs instead. Otherwise you look like a n00b.
[Editor's note: I intend to reply to people by commenting on my own blog. That makes cohesive sense, doesn't it? Or am I hopeless already? Also, just in an effort to be respectful, I will mail filmstrips of me jerking off to the first 150,000 requesters.]
Headonist: Why do so many SG groups require members to maintain blogs and comments? Don't they know that many of us are shy, lurking masturbators who routinely get compared to Gregor Samsa?
Calico: It's a tricky one. SG is a unique sort of community, and although your subscription buys you access to the boards and naked pictures, it doesn't mean people will like you, or want to include you in their conversations. Since your member profile is limited in the amount of information it can give people, your blog and the comments you make around the site are a way for people to get to know you better, and for group owners to make sure you aren't an axe-murderer or a troll. It also lets the group owners know you'll contribute something to the group. Although most group owners understand that some people are shy, they want to know you'll help to keep the group active, since groups are sometimes shut down due to inactivity.
For the record, I hadn't been thinking of you as Gregor Samsa until you made the comparison.
[Editor's note: 165,000.]
Headonist: For example, that "Voyeurs and Exhibitionists" one looks quite tasty, but don't they know that half their constituents wish to hide silently behind a tree?
Calico: Private, sex-related groups are a different story altogether. I joined Voyeurs and Exhibitionists after I had posted some rather *cough* revealing pictures of myself in the Masturbation Group, and got several truly terrible messages in my inbox as a response. They were frightening, and creepy, and I have since contacted the owner of the masturbation group, and he has banned the perpetrators forever. However, it still stands that I don't feel comfortable posting pictures of a lewd or lascivious nature in public groups anymore. I know I'm not the only person to have experienced this, and almost every female on this site, whether or not they post pictures of themselves, has probably been sent some kind of creepy message at some point. When I post something in V&E, I know that all of the members have been screened by the group owner, who I trust, and that if anyone in the group made me uncomfortable, I could ask for them to be removed. I know that Skullgrid is really careful about who he lets in, and I appreciate that. I know it must be frustrating for all the shy voyeurs out there, but us exhibitionists value the knowledge that we aren't going to get stalked or creeped out or messaged asking for sexual favours.
[Editor's note: But Calico, can I send you creepy messages? And can I stalk or creep out or message you? You're my best half-existent friend!]
Headonist: Okay, here's my blog! Now how do I get people to read it?
Calico: Become active on the boards (Silliness is a good place to start) and in public groups, and comment on other people's blogs that you find interesting. You're a wonderful writer, though. I'm sure you'll have no problems.
Headonist: Thank you! I adore you!
Calico: You are equally adorable.
************************************************************************
And you, Calico, are equally equally supra-D&D-dragon adorable. Thank you, Calico! And I think Blog Number One went as well as could be hoped. What do you think?
Take it from me -- the one great unspoken tenet shared by sentient folks and complex organisms and plant life and fungi and protozoa and even Republications is: I'd rather be here than nowhere. W. C. Fields may've said similar.
To that end, a blog is better than no blog. A blog is a wee voice in the busy traffic: "Yes, I exist! I'm not a bot! I'm real and darn it universe I'm trying!"
(It's not uncommon for me to start out things like this with meta-mumbling. I'll settle down into content real fast. Watch.)
I would like to blog. I would. But what to blog about?
To that end, I've requested the help of my single triumphant SG friend so far -- Calico. If you know her, you know that she beats slice bread by a wide fucking margin. I've asked her a series of questions with the aim of creating something to help guide me through the confusing process of creating blogs here at SG. Let's see what she says in response to my probing questions:
************************************************************************
Headonist: Hello.
Calico: Hello! I'm eating a sandwich with no pants on. It's classy, I know.
[Editor's note: I suddenly like sandwiches.]
Headonist: Look, I'm blogging! Kinda! Is it going well so far?
Calico: Trying to distract your readers from my lack of pants, huh? Nice try.
You've written something. That's a start. It's hard to know what makes a good blog. Mine have only recently started getting high comment counts, and I think it's mostly because I comment more often on other people's blogs.
Headonist: In your opinion, what sort of blogs should I write? Personal -- the minutiae of the day? Political? Sexual? Does anyone want to hear about my sexual? I find that hard to believe -- thrilling and magnificent though my adventures are?
Calico: I tend to write a variety. People love pictures, and funny stories about your day. You can write about sex if you want, but you're likely to alienate some people, especially before you've really built up some friendships around here. There are better placed for sex stories- try here. I love it. Lists of your favourite suicide girls, or pictures from your favourite sets are always appreciated, though. If you're stuck for ideas, just post all the SGs that turn you on. That's what the site is for!
Headonist: And the converse -- what should I *not* write about? Presumably I shouldn't post my Social Security Number or the hours when I won't be home at my apartment where the front door locks don't work and there's a closet filled with diamonds. But what else should I keep mum on?
Calico: I think most of the things that would really get you in trouble are things you wouldn't do anyway. Stay away from personal attacks on any SG members, or people you think might be members. Don't say anything racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted. Don't post videos or pictures of yourself jerking off. Don't make requests for sex, or ask if there are any hot women out there who would like to accompany you on a cruise. Keep in mind that if you post something personal, people will comment on it. If you write a blog about your suffering love life, or your struggle to find a job, people will give you advice and tell you their own stories. If you don't wish that sort of intimate interaction with members, stick to lolcats and funny stories about your cubicle buddies. Oh, and an insider's tip: Don't reply to people by commenting on your own blog. Go and comment on theirs instead. Otherwise you look like a n00b.
[Editor's note: I intend to reply to people by commenting on my own blog. That makes cohesive sense, doesn't it? Or am I hopeless already? Also, just in an effort to be respectful, I will mail filmstrips of me jerking off to the first 150,000 requesters.]
Headonist: Why do so many SG groups require members to maintain blogs and comments? Don't they know that many of us are shy, lurking masturbators who routinely get compared to Gregor Samsa?
Calico: It's a tricky one. SG is a unique sort of community, and although your subscription buys you access to the boards and naked pictures, it doesn't mean people will like you, or want to include you in their conversations. Since your member profile is limited in the amount of information it can give people, your blog and the comments you make around the site are a way for people to get to know you better, and for group owners to make sure you aren't an axe-murderer or a troll. It also lets the group owners know you'll contribute something to the group. Although most group owners understand that some people are shy, they want to know you'll help to keep the group active, since groups are sometimes shut down due to inactivity.
For the record, I hadn't been thinking of you as Gregor Samsa until you made the comparison.
[Editor's note: 165,000.]
Headonist: For example, that "Voyeurs and Exhibitionists" one looks quite tasty, but don't they know that half their constituents wish to hide silently behind a tree?
Calico: Private, sex-related groups are a different story altogether. I joined Voyeurs and Exhibitionists after I had posted some rather *cough* revealing pictures of myself in the Masturbation Group, and got several truly terrible messages in my inbox as a response. They were frightening, and creepy, and I have since contacted the owner of the masturbation group, and he has banned the perpetrators forever. However, it still stands that I don't feel comfortable posting pictures of a lewd or lascivious nature in public groups anymore. I know I'm not the only person to have experienced this, and almost every female on this site, whether or not they post pictures of themselves, has probably been sent some kind of creepy message at some point. When I post something in V&E, I know that all of the members have been screened by the group owner, who I trust, and that if anyone in the group made me uncomfortable, I could ask for them to be removed. I know that Skullgrid is really careful about who he lets in, and I appreciate that. I know it must be frustrating for all the shy voyeurs out there, but us exhibitionists value the knowledge that we aren't going to get stalked or creeped out or messaged asking for sexual favours.
[Editor's note: But Calico, can I send you creepy messages? And can I stalk or creep out or message you? You're my best half-existent friend!]
Headonist: Okay, here's my blog! Now how do I get people to read it?
Calico: Become active on the boards (Silliness is a good place to start) and in public groups, and comment on other people's blogs that you find interesting. You're a wonderful writer, though. I'm sure you'll have no problems.
Headonist: Thank you! I adore you!
Calico: You are equally adorable.
************************************************************************
And you, Calico, are equally equally supra-D&D-dragon adorable. Thank you, Calico! And I think Blog Number One went as well as could be hoped. What do you think?
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
kiljoy:
*eagerly awaits Headonist's sophomore blog*
oxy:
Good blog, most amusing.