Since I only joined SG in the cold winter months, I have always been nearby my computer. Now, however, the weather is warmer and I've got a bit of a social life now. That means I won't be updating my journal as much as I used to. I'll try and keep commenting in other people's, though.
Well, it was a big weekend. A bunch of my friends and I went back to Brown for Graduation Weekend. On Monday (today) all the seniors get their diplomas, but the three days before that are for seniors and alums alike. Friday night is the Campus Dance; easily one of the coolest events I have ever been to in my life. They cover the biggest lawn on the Main Green with a dance floor, string Chinese laterns everywhere, set up a two stages (one for the Swing Band on the main section, one for a Rock Band in the lower section) and thousands of people mingle.
It's a great opportunity to get swanked out and see people you haven't seen in a long time. The whole weekend is just fucking awesome. But, it is a little depressing becuase it's kind of like being at camp with all your good friends for about three days. You remember how much fun you had with them in the past and realize those days are gone.
The thing that got to me the most though, was seeing my ex-girlfriend. I knew she'd be there, as it is her graduation, but I wasn't sure I'd run into her. To be honest, we really didn't run into each other, but I know she went right by me and I did the same a little bit later.
Her and my realtionship was so intense and fucked. Even though the relationship only lasted for six months, we managed to pack in a lifetime of emotions. The brightest flame burns fastest, I guess.
She had been obsessed with me before we got together. When we finally started going out, it was like we had known each other our whole lives. One of those storybook type things. Sadly, I was in a difficult place in my life and when you factor in her drug use, things just didn't work out. We tried over and over again to make it work, but in the end, she was calling me from her friends phone and having them harass me anonymously. Even after that we tried to be friends, but when I found out she was involved in the whole phone thing, I told her to fuck off for life.
Normally, you would think I'd be happy to be out of such a thing, but the truth of the matter is, this girl was instrumental in changing my life in such a positive way, it's a goddamned tragedy (Old School Greek style) we can't even talk anymore. I mean, I still listen to the mixes she gave me. The very first one she gave me, I wrote about for a book coming out this fall about mix tapes/cds. It's one of the most important things I own.
The regular readers here know about the video I'm doing. Well, I would never have done it if it weren't for this girl, becuase she was the one that expanded my horizons musically and introduced me to the whole "indie" culture. This girl would be a perfect SuicideGirl: gorgeous, dark on the inside, and armed with great taste. I wrote a short story about a Nordic Vampire based entirely on her. It got me into the Semifinals in a Paramount Pictures Screenwriting contest. Last laugh on that one.
Anyway, despite the fact that we both can't stand each other now becuase of everything that has happened, she was still a really cool person who I found endlessly interesting. Anything she spoke about was something I wanted to hear, unless of course she was saying something just to upset me, which she did pretty often. But I know she would be psyched to hear what I'm doing now, if she didn't want to avoid conversation with me just as much as I want to avoid it with her.
When I saw her at Campus Dance, she looked great, but I knew that talking to her would be 1) painful 2) a waste of time and 3) further proof we can never be friends. Still, I looked damn good in my outfit and I'd like to believe she noticed (I'm pretty sure she did as I vaugly remember her looking my way- I was really drunk that night) and had a moment where she wished things could have turned out differently.
I really needed validation that night. I don't know if I'll ever find enough of it to make me totally forget this girl, but I've got enough where I'm not going to be weak enough to try and regain contact with her.
And all of you should take some credit for that becuase you all are the only ones I know involved in any way with the culture to which she introduced me. All my friends are Euro or Preppy types, so my connections to the undeground culture come entirely from this website. Thank Goodness for y'all, and Thank Goodness for SG.
Well, it was a big weekend. A bunch of my friends and I went back to Brown for Graduation Weekend. On Monday (today) all the seniors get their diplomas, but the three days before that are for seniors and alums alike. Friday night is the Campus Dance; easily one of the coolest events I have ever been to in my life. They cover the biggest lawn on the Main Green with a dance floor, string Chinese laterns everywhere, set up a two stages (one for the Swing Band on the main section, one for a Rock Band in the lower section) and thousands of people mingle.
It's a great opportunity to get swanked out and see people you haven't seen in a long time. The whole weekend is just fucking awesome. But, it is a little depressing becuase it's kind of like being at camp with all your good friends for about three days. You remember how much fun you had with them in the past and realize those days are gone.
The thing that got to me the most though, was seeing my ex-girlfriend. I knew she'd be there, as it is her graduation, but I wasn't sure I'd run into her. To be honest, we really didn't run into each other, but I know she went right by me and I did the same a little bit later.
Her and my realtionship was so intense and fucked. Even though the relationship only lasted for six months, we managed to pack in a lifetime of emotions. The brightest flame burns fastest, I guess.
She had been obsessed with me before we got together. When we finally started going out, it was like we had known each other our whole lives. One of those storybook type things. Sadly, I was in a difficult place in my life and when you factor in her drug use, things just didn't work out. We tried over and over again to make it work, but in the end, she was calling me from her friends phone and having them harass me anonymously. Even after that we tried to be friends, but when I found out she was involved in the whole phone thing, I told her to fuck off for life.
Normally, you would think I'd be happy to be out of such a thing, but the truth of the matter is, this girl was instrumental in changing my life in such a positive way, it's a goddamned tragedy (Old School Greek style) we can't even talk anymore. I mean, I still listen to the mixes she gave me. The very first one she gave me, I wrote about for a book coming out this fall about mix tapes/cds. It's one of the most important things I own.
The regular readers here know about the video I'm doing. Well, I would never have done it if it weren't for this girl, becuase she was the one that expanded my horizons musically and introduced me to the whole "indie" culture. This girl would be a perfect SuicideGirl: gorgeous, dark on the inside, and armed with great taste. I wrote a short story about a Nordic Vampire based entirely on her. It got me into the Semifinals in a Paramount Pictures Screenwriting contest. Last laugh on that one.
Anyway, despite the fact that we both can't stand each other now becuase of everything that has happened, she was still a really cool person who I found endlessly interesting. Anything she spoke about was something I wanted to hear, unless of course she was saying something just to upset me, which she did pretty often. But I know she would be psyched to hear what I'm doing now, if she didn't want to avoid conversation with me just as much as I want to avoid it with her.
When I saw her at Campus Dance, she looked great, but I knew that talking to her would be 1) painful 2) a waste of time and 3) further proof we can never be friends. Still, I looked damn good in my outfit and I'd like to believe she noticed (I'm pretty sure she did as I vaugly remember her looking my way- I was really drunk that night) and had a moment where she wished things could have turned out differently.
I really needed validation that night. I don't know if I'll ever find enough of it to make me totally forget this girl, but I've got enough where I'm not going to be weak enough to try and regain contact with her.
And all of you should take some credit for that becuase you all are the only ones I know involved in any way with the culture to which she introduced me. All my friends are Euro or Preppy types, so my connections to the undeground culture come entirely from this website. Thank Goodness for y'all, and Thank Goodness for SG.
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
abra:
i take back all the nice things i ever said about you. you big meanie.
felicia_____:
I missed the Campus Dance again this year 