music: cave in "until your heart stops"
mood: mid-melancholy to pretty good.
tonight i bought fahrenheit 9/11, clerks 10 years edition and ren and stimpy season 1&2 because the hypnotic spiraly vortex thing in john k's eyes in that interview said to.
yeah.
i'm staying off of xanga for a bit, i vowed to keep my memorial up for a week and it kind of gets me down when i go to check updates and whatnot.
so here i be for a bit. besides, the closest thing to the awesome nudality of this site on xanga is this girl on my straight edge blogring (who lives in new york, is mad fuggin hottt (three t's) and is like underage)'s pics she posts, which usually include tight pants and low cut shirts. did i mention she doesn;t knwo i exist, save for founding the blogring she's a member of?
wow. i sound pathetic.
but fear not, i am not as sad as i mgiht appear in words.
ok, i have decided to retype the following. beginning with a reference to reincarnation without dying.
freaky. see, it's like i have five past lives that happened within my lifetime and which are separated by periods of solitude whereupon the next one begins. good thing i'm not a cat person or i'd feel afraid to be halfway through my nine.
my first life was in town before we moved to the boonies. so that was until 15. that one kind of extended into my first two years of high school in danville, being called fag instead of rob, and being fat. then i got in a really bad car accident driving home from work and i managed a paradigm shift right there. end life 1.
life 2 went from that point until a year out of high school, at which point most of my high school friends had shown true colors and the onyl one i still speak to has known me since 1988, when we were 8 and in the third grade.
anyway. it was in this version that i realized all the social hierarchy of school was bullshit and nothing anyone was dealing with, fighting for, learning or accomplishing in school would mean thing #1 in the real world. i am to understand this does not often happen before graduation or the inevitable humbling year after graduation.
in my humbling year, i picked up guitar, joined a few bands, colored my hair purple (1998 to present) and ceased to give a fuck about the insignificant things most ignorant sheeple worry about. this life ended when i formed my first real band, originally called jizz, then ether, then flaming monkey stick, then phlegming munkie steek (to fuck with the crowds), hereto referred as PMS, and then back to ether.
by the second ether, we had a major lineup change and i had gained some new friends in the local metalcore/underground metal scene. it was also at that point that i separated from another friend, the singer of ether, who i had known for some six years at that point. i got booted fromt he band i started and went through a two year dry spell, creatively. it was during this spell that the thrid life ended and the fourth began. i was a miserable excuse for a male specimen of the species. 21, having lost virginity at 19 and still never had a significant other, i somehow picked up a mad hot redhead who ruined me for the rest of the women of the earth in 8.5 months' time. end fourth life. transitioning into the fifth and penultimate life thus far, i got into a band with some friends and the only truly good drummer from PMS, james conne, and my sister who had been shafted in ether as well.
with they and my cousin's (now ex-) husband, scott, we were calling all cars and we schooled burlington's punk scene from my basement on north 5th street, but never played out. after a year, things began to wind down, i learned i was the only one with the ambition to continue beyond the basement, and when i moved back in with my parents, the band dissolved with no words spoken on the topic.
during this spell i attained (sort-of) girlfriend #2. she also broke me. i have bad luck with psychos. end life #5.
over a 6 month period from the declin e of CAC to the true start of the current, #6, i got broken by the second ex, job hopped, despaired over what to do musically, and by the start of #6 began to see how things would unfold.
i should note briefly that #6 and #2 both have definite start dates. #2 was may 8, 1997, the night of my accident. #6 was september 27, 2003, the night of the beginning of the fall of the rest of the punk scene's lives. sorry, had to quote slc punk there.
#6 began with meeting mina kaye jaeger at a show, the dwellers, supported by five star weasel, craig mead, winning last place, and profane humor. that night i went to an afterparty, made a shitload of friends, hung out, and began to party at mina kaye's house almost every weekend. mina can sing like you would not believe, and charlie from the dwellers had taught some guitar to this pseudo-semi-tweeker named will who i knew from life #4, and then charlie played bass, and myself on drums, formed after anarchy. we had one practice a few weeks after the 27th show and then partied really hard. too hard. charlie stayed out for a week (he was 17) and got alcohol poisoning on the last night of that week. charlie lives in buffalo, NY now with his grandparents and i only see him when he returns to do a dwellers show and then i buy him and his brother a 12 pack of bud heavy.
on the 27th, i might add, shasta, #1 gf, called me up and wanted to talk. since i had pined for almost 2 years, we ended up dating again and she further broke me shortly thereafter, in january.
the partying at mina's house came to an end when a guy almost got jumped for shooting meth with mina's dad's roomate/renter's daughter and getting on all the drunk underage girls at the party (and my girlfriend as well, though i later learned she kissed back whenever i wasn't looking. whore.).
and right about that time is when mina;s dad gave me a copy of fruity loops, which is the sequencing program i use for boymeetsworld. by november i had assembled a rudimentary arsenal of songs and began to fine tune. by january i was improving and by june i was playing out. meanwhile november thru february i was sans license due to tickets incurred driving 70 miles one way to iowa city to work when jobs were nonexistant here - from the previous spring.
ok, so there's where i stand now, life number six in full effect. i've met famous people, started my own personal revolution against having to have a band to rock and joined suicidegirls, the three most important things in 2004 as of yet. oh, and i drive a lincoln.
ok, so the point of allof that was that when i refer to someone from a past life, i will try to number the life for reference purposes.
NOW FOR THE POINT.
the point of the last bit is that i'm single and havent been laid since january and i wa sjust about to give up hope when i bump into candice (whom i had a crush on in life #4) at a show and my sister is moving so she wants ot get ahold of her before she leaves. so candice was with thei white htug wannabe who i went to junior high with in life #1 (damn, this is starting to get like a brief history of Dr. Who...) and is still a loser.
so anyway, later on, a guy i work with also bumps into her at wal mart where she works and i guess she used to work at the bakery i work at and knew this guy's twin brother. she gets dude's number so she can get ahold of the brother because apparently he attempted suicide a few months ago or something.
dude gets all excited abotu getting this mad hottie;s number and brags it up. i find out it's her and laugh. this guy is a total hick and while i have a problem with being dumped or people-hopped-away-from for hicks, i havent even expressed my previous interest to his girl so when i find out she almost got raped by her former fiance, the thug, and she says she wished she could have gotten ahold of me to "come over in case he comes back" even tho i'm a wuss, i asked if she was gonna hook up with doug (dude) because he;s been talkin her up and she goes "oh, GAWD no!" and laughs.
and i laugh and she asks for my phone number and says she needs to show me her new apartment. the one where she and her 2 year old DON'T LIVE WITH HER MOTHER ANYMORE (and has her own room) and so i gave her my number and then realized days later that the number i have somehwere, yet still lost in my house, is her mom's number and so i have to get up early tomorrow and go to wally world and hope she's working the registers to ask what her new number is. because i'm a dipshit.
but i'm not gonna let opportunity pas sme by. because as my lives progress, i do manage to learn a few new things and change a few things i don;t like about myself. namely, shyness, and my ability to pick up on hints dropped, because mostly i get it on a one week delay, which is way too late and by then the girl(s) i have spoken to and who have dropped hints have moved on already - in retrospect if theyre that shallow then i'm better off anyway.
wow. that was really a lot of shit nobody probably cares about.
maybe it;s well written. i dunno. so if anyone cares to get past the noncapitalization and the bad typos and missed punctuations, there might be a story in there. it interests me, but that;s because i'm me and i wrote it so i;m biased.
i need a keyboard that doesn;t have a semicolon key, too, btw.
so anyway, a lot of shit, but as i said i'm avoiding xanga and this is short for my usual ramblings there.
speaking of xanga, here's the link to my blog, so you all'ns can see my tribute to chris reeve. it;s not a lot, but it;s what i could manage on a zero budget and stealign images. just follow the link, find the section with "funeral for a friend" at the top, let the midi play, and think fondly of him.
http://www.xanga.com/ithinkyoucanseeherkidneys
all right. later kids.
mood: mid-melancholy to pretty good.
tonight i bought fahrenheit 9/11, clerks 10 years edition and ren and stimpy season 1&2 because the hypnotic spiraly vortex thing in john k's eyes in that interview said to.
yeah.
i'm staying off of xanga for a bit, i vowed to keep my memorial up for a week and it kind of gets me down when i go to check updates and whatnot.
so here i be for a bit. besides, the closest thing to the awesome nudality of this site on xanga is this girl on my straight edge blogring (who lives in new york, is mad fuggin hottt (three t's) and is like underage)'s pics she posts, which usually include tight pants and low cut shirts. did i mention she doesn;t knwo i exist, save for founding the blogring she's a member of?
wow. i sound pathetic.
but fear not, i am not as sad as i mgiht appear in words.
ok, i have decided to retype the following. beginning with a reference to reincarnation without dying.
freaky. see, it's like i have five past lives that happened within my lifetime and which are separated by periods of solitude whereupon the next one begins. good thing i'm not a cat person or i'd feel afraid to be halfway through my nine.
my first life was in town before we moved to the boonies. so that was until 15. that one kind of extended into my first two years of high school in danville, being called fag instead of rob, and being fat. then i got in a really bad car accident driving home from work and i managed a paradigm shift right there. end life 1.
life 2 went from that point until a year out of high school, at which point most of my high school friends had shown true colors and the onyl one i still speak to has known me since 1988, when we were 8 and in the third grade.
anyway. it was in this version that i realized all the social hierarchy of school was bullshit and nothing anyone was dealing with, fighting for, learning or accomplishing in school would mean thing #1 in the real world. i am to understand this does not often happen before graduation or the inevitable humbling year after graduation.
in my humbling year, i picked up guitar, joined a few bands, colored my hair purple (1998 to present) and ceased to give a fuck about the insignificant things most ignorant sheeple worry about. this life ended when i formed my first real band, originally called jizz, then ether, then flaming monkey stick, then phlegming munkie steek (to fuck with the crowds), hereto referred as PMS, and then back to ether.
by the second ether, we had a major lineup change and i had gained some new friends in the local metalcore/underground metal scene. it was also at that point that i separated from another friend, the singer of ether, who i had known for some six years at that point. i got booted fromt he band i started and went through a two year dry spell, creatively. it was during this spell that the thrid life ended and the fourth began. i was a miserable excuse for a male specimen of the species. 21, having lost virginity at 19 and still never had a significant other, i somehow picked up a mad hot redhead who ruined me for the rest of the women of the earth in 8.5 months' time. end fourth life. transitioning into the fifth and penultimate life thus far, i got into a band with some friends and the only truly good drummer from PMS, james conne, and my sister who had been shafted in ether as well.
with they and my cousin's (now ex-) husband, scott, we were calling all cars and we schooled burlington's punk scene from my basement on north 5th street, but never played out. after a year, things began to wind down, i learned i was the only one with the ambition to continue beyond the basement, and when i moved back in with my parents, the band dissolved with no words spoken on the topic.
during this spell i attained (sort-of) girlfriend #2. she also broke me. i have bad luck with psychos. end life #5.
over a 6 month period from the declin e of CAC to the true start of the current, #6, i got broken by the second ex, job hopped, despaired over what to do musically, and by the start of #6 began to see how things would unfold.
i should note briefly that #6 and #2 both have definite start dates. #2 was may 8, 1997, the night of my accident. #6 was september 27, 2003, the night of the beginning of the fall of the rest of the punk scene's lives. sorry, had to quote slc punk there.
#6 began with meeting mina kaye jaeger at a show, the dwellers, supported by five star weasel, craig mead, winning last place, and profane humor. that night i went to an afterparty, made a shitload of friends, hung out, and began to party at mina kaye's house almost every weekend. mina can sing like you would not believe, and charlie from the dwellers had taught some guitar to this pseudo-semi-tweeker named will who i knew from life #4, and then charlie played bass, and myself on drums, formed after anarchy. we had one practice a few weeks after the 27th show and then partied really hard. too hard. charlie stayed out for a week (he was 17) and got alcohol poisoning on the last night of that week. charlie lives in buffalo, NY now with his grandparents and i only see him when he returns to do a dwellers show and then i buy him and his brother a 12 pack of bud heavy.
on the 27th, i might add, shasta, #1 gf, called me up and wanted to talk. since i had pined for almost 2 years, we ended up dating again and she further broke me shortly thereafter, in january.
the partying at mina's house came to an end when a guy almost got jumped for shooting meth with mina's dad's roomate/renter's daughter and getting on all the drunk underage girls at the party (and my girlfriend as well, though i later learned she kissed back whenever i wasn't looking. whore.).
and right about that time is when mina;s dad gave me a copy of fruity loops, which is the sequencing program i use for boymeetsworld. by november i had assembled a rudimentary arsenal of songs and began to fine tune. by january i was improving and by june i was playing out. meanwhile november thru february i was sans license due to tickets incurred driving 70 miles one way to iowa city to work when jobs were nonexistant here - from the previous spring.
ok, so there's where i stand now, life number six in full effect. i've met famous people, started my own personal revolution against having to have a band to rock and joined suicidegirls, the three most important things in 2004 as of yet. oh, and i drive a lincoln.
ok, so the point of allof that was that when i refer to someone from a past life, i will try to number the life for reference purposes.
NOW FOR THE POINT.
the point of the last bit is that i'm single and havent been laid since january and i wa sjust about to give up hope when i bump into candice (whom i had a crush on in life #4) at a show and my sister is moving so she wants ot get ahold of her before she leaves. so candice was with thei white htug wannabe who i went to junior high with in life #1 (damn, this is starting to get like a brief history of Dr. Who...) and is still a loser.
so anyway, later on, a guy i work with also bumps into her at wal mart where she works and i guess she used to work at the bakery i work at and knew this guy's twin brother. she gets dude's number so she can get ahold of the brother because apparently he attempted suicide a few months ago or something.
dude gets all excited abotu getting this mad hottie;s number and brags it up. i find out it's her and laugh. this guy is a total hick and while i have a problem with being dumped or people-hopped-away-from for hicks, i havent even expressed my previous interest to his girl so when i find out she almost got raped by her former fiance, the thug, and she says she wished she could have gotten ahold of me to "come over in case he comes back" even tho i'm a wuss, i asked if she was gonna hook up with doug (dude) because he;s been talkin her up and she goes "oh, GAWD no!" and laughs.
and i laugh and she asks for my phone number and says she needs to show me her new apartment. the one where she and her 2 year old DON'T LIVE WITH HER MOTHER ANYMORE (and has her own room) and so i gave her my number and then realized days later that the number i have somehwere, yet still lost in my house, is her mom's number and so i have to get up early tomorrow and go to wally world and hope she's working the registers to ask what her new number is. because i'm a dipshit.
but i'm not gonna let opportunity pas sme by. because as my lives progress, i do manage to learn a few new things and change a few things i don;t like about myself. namely, shyness, and my ability to pick up on hints dropped, because mostly i get it on a one week delay, which is way too late and by then the girl(s) i have spoken to and who have dropped hints have moved on already - in retrospect if theyre that shallow then i'm better off anyway.
wow. that was really a lot of shit nobody probably cares about.
maybe it;s well written. i dunno. so if anyone cares to get past the noncapitalization and the bad typos and missed punctuations, there might be a story in there. it interests me, but that;s because i'm me and i wrote it so i;m biased.
i need a keyboard that doesn;t have a semicolon key, too, btw.
so anyway, a lot of shit, but as i said i'm avoiding xanga and this is short for my usual ramblings there.
speaking of xanga, here's the link to my blog, so you all'ns can see my tribute to chris reeve. it;s not a lot, but it;s what i could manage on a zero budget and stealign images. just follow the link, find the section with "funeral for a friend" at the top, let the midi play, and think fondly of him.
http://www.xanga.com/ithinkyoucanseeherkidneys
all right. later kids.
scattershot:
woah thats a novel... but I put a link to it on my page so everyone I know can indulge in the novel-ness too.