grayb

This is the Appalachian Trail.



Were heading towards the Southern trailhead on Springer Mountain in Georgia, which is about 1447 miles (2329 km) away. If youd rather go north, its 731 miles (1176 km) to the other end of the trail - Baxter Peak on Mount Katahdin in Maine. Ive been fascinated by the Appalachian Trail since the first time I heard about it as an impressionable young boy. I dreamed about thru-hiking (walking the entire length in one season) for most of my life. This particular portion of the trail passes within about three miles of where I currently live. Even though I walk or hike nearly every day that weather allows (and there are several convenient access points very close by) I hadnt set foot on the AT in nearly eight years. Until today, I havent been able to.



The year 2000 was not a good one for me. I was mired in a job that seemed wonderful at first glance, but in reality involved too much work and too many hours and rewarded me far too little in money, appreciation or satisfaction. I lived where I worked, so I felt especially trapped. I was exhausted and depressed.

My parents health was failing. My Father was going blind from macular degeneration and was in the middle stages of Parkinsons disease. My Mother was unable to care for him nor probably, in hindsight, for herself. My brother had sold his beloved home in Pennsylvania and had moved to Florida to care for both of them. I felt terrible I hadnt been able even to visit for several years. I had been working nearly seven days a week, fifty two weeks per year. I was desperately in need of a change.



I decided that I would leave my job in March of 2001. Id thru-hike the AT and end up in Florida, where I could visit with and help care for my family. I discussed the plan with my brother when he came to spend a day with me in September of 2000. He was excited, fully supportive and willing to help. He would come up to drive me to Maine, mail my supply packages at timely intervals to points along the trail and would pick me up, at the conclusion of my hike, in Georgia. I began to set the plan in motion.



A couple of months later, on his birthday, my brother was walking across the street to visit with my parents. He collapsed in the middle of the road. Brain tumors. Cancer. He was operated on they removed most of the tumors and some of his brain. He lost his power of speech, his basic motor skills and his will to live. He was in constant pain and torment. Against his wishes, the doctors kept him alive as long as possible. He had excellent insurance. His bills came to over one and a half million dollars.

I finally received a call one day. The end was near. It would mean so much if I could come to see him. I managed to wangle three days off. I made arrangements, bought my ticket and was ready to fly. On September 11, 2001.



So many people died that morning as I and the rest of the shocked and horrified world looked on. Bob passed quietly away four days later. Something inside of me finally broke that day. I was dead too I was just waiting for my body to realize it.

The trauma of losing his son undoubtedly hastened my fathers deterioration and eventual end. My Mother slipped into dementia and then death a couple of years later.

I never went to Florida I never saw any of them again. I simply was not able.



Its been several years now. Ive finally dealt with my guilt, forgiven my mistakes and tried to forget my pain. Ive regained my strength. I wish that things could have been different, but I no longer dwell on it.

My family is gone...
But Ive finally come back