Ive been drinking. Steadily and heavily. That was the beginning of a journal entry that I nearly posted on Sunday. It pretty much summed things up at the time. Please forgive my extended absence. I havent been myself.
I have been mired in a state of depression deeper and greater than any Ive experienced in at least twenty years. That was bad enough, but then the anxiety attacks began. I know that alcohol should never be considered as a solution to any problem but I needed to do something. I was beginning to believe that whatever was wrong, I wasnt ever going to come out of it. It was pure Hell.
Several days of drinking rare Single Malt Scotch, listening to classic Kate Bush and total relaxation finally did the trick. Im starting to feel human again. Its been a long couple of weeks.
I stopped drinking on Wednesday. Im not supposed to be online right now for some reason the computer causes headaches and a heightened sense of anxiety (!) But I wanted to let everyone know that Im still here and that Ive been thinking about you. Ill try to get back online a bit later to catch up on what everyone has been doing and writing.
In the meantime, Ill be fine. Its been scary but fascinating just like much of the rest of my life
*edit* A couple hours later.
As many of you are aware, I've been bi-polar for as long as I can remember. I deal with it - I always have. This was different. This was out-of-control.
I just want to stress (nice choice of words) that there is nothing wrong other than my brain chemistry. My health is otherwise fine, my accountants are dealing with the IRS, the person I mentioned who was having the severe legal problems seems to be doing okay and I will not be needing to move.
It's a beautiful, sunny, afternoon. I have no idea what caused this affliction or why it was so lengthy or severe, but I'm feeling much better now. Really bad headache, though, so I'll need to limit my time online. I'll try to begin to reengage myself with my normal life and the rest of humanity first thing tomorrow.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what all of you have been up to!
I have been mired in a state of depression deeper and greater than any Ive experienced in at least twenty years. That was bad enough, but then the anxiety attacks began. I know that alcohol should never be considered as a solution to any problem but I needed to do something. I was beginning to believe that whatever was wrong, I wasnt ever going to come out of it. It was pure Hell.
Several days of drinking rare Single Malt Scotch, listening to classic Kate Bush and total relaxation finally did the trick. Im starting to feel human again. Its been a long couple of weeks.
I stopped drinking on Wednesday. Im not supposed to be online right now for some reason the computer causes headaches and a heightened sense of anxiety (!) But I wanted to let everyone know that Im still here and that Ive been thinking about you. Ill try to get back online a bit later to catch up on what everyone has been doing and writing.
In the meantime, Ill be fine. Its been scary but fascinating just like much of the rest of my life
*edit* A couple hours later.
As many of you are aware, I've been bi-polar for as long as I can remember. I deal with it - I always have. This was different. This was out-of-control.
I just want to stress (nice choice of words) that there is nothing wrong other than my brain chemistry. My health is otherwise fine, my accountants are dealing with the IRS, the person I mentioned who was having the severe legal problems seems to be doing okay and I will not be needing to move.
It's a beautiful, sunny, afternoon. I have no idea what caused this affliction or why it was so lengthy or severe, but I'm feeling much better now. Really bad headache, though, so I'll need to limit my time online. I'll try to begin to reengage myself with my normal life and the rest of humanity first thing tomorrow.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what all of you have been up to!
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Interesting that she still cares enough to stay in touch and Mae-Ann, who constantly bad-mouthed her wound up being the one that left me high and dry. Of course, as I've come to realize, she did me a huge favor.
Our esteemed Stephen Fry did a wonderful documentary on his experience of bipolarity, and it was terribly personal, showing those moments when he just couldn't engage with anyone, or even function in the most basic way. He talked to other people who were bipolar, such as Carrie Fisher, and Richard Dreyfus. But what was most interesting was how almost all of them had tried treatment (usually lithium) and rejected it. Because, despite all its downsides, their biploarity was an expression of themselves, and they were less of a person when they suppressed it. Often their biggest issues were with other people not understanding.
Anyway, that aside, it's good to have you back communicating.
You sure that headache isn't caused by the malt?