grapefruit

i saw a sign on the road today that said (it was outside a church, dur) "the fear of the lord is the beginning of knowledge"
let me just say:
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sorry.

having kindof a tough couple of days...
it's amazing, too. people think i'm so... sprightly or something, and i suppose i aaaam behaving as such, but what am i supposed to do... walk around sulking because i'm experiencing internal conflict.
nope.
not gonna happen. not today anyhow, right?

it just sucks, pretending... becomes more and more difficult to keep the verge of tears away. boohooey.
i mean, how do you just let love go?
every confirmation i find, another ugly doubt rears its head.
how can i try to be this good person if i'm screwing someone else over? even with all the 'sacrifice' i feel i've made, all i've offered to this thing... yet i feel so guilty planning to leave him... to make this change without him. *huff*
and besides that, i'm afraid i'll somehow allow myself to be sucked in again

really, i just have to be honest with my self.
and let that progression occur naturally...

subway sammich for lunch, hidey-ho. mmmmm.
they put too much shit on those sammiches. next time i will specifically ask for no sauce regardless of anything... ewwy... i had to soak it off the bread with a napkin(several napkins)... blech!

today is good.
i watched donnie darko last night (and the night before for the first time) and am still pretty amazed, but i've been picking the movie apart. the concept, really
i still want to watch it again. and again, probably.

have a nice day, peeps.

today's awesome shit:
cool ranch baked doritos (holy shit, they're actually good)
handkerchiefs for my hair
good music
long distant phone calls
cartoons

ciao