copied from my livejournal...cause, damn...I'm lazy....but I was inspired by a loverly friend across the country...who was feeling the same as I...for some odd reason I felt the urge to post it here...
I'm feeling introspective today...
she wrote about her qualities...her frailities and strenghts and how they seem to contradict one another....
I have often described myself as a contradiction...a dichotome, a quandry....
I am everything to a few...nothing to many...my wouldn't life be perfection if that were flipped?
warning...the following is long and self-indulgent. so feel free to skip over it if you wish...
I want to be cherished and popular...but I don't give a damn what most people think
I stand up for the underdog...yet rarely for myself...
I am fearless in the face of danger..yet I fear each day of my mundane life
I try to speak my own truth...admit when I'm wrong and will agrue until I'm blue in the face if I feel I'm right...yet remain silent if I'm unsure of where I stand on something.. waiting to hear the facts...
I'm soft on the inside...hard as nails on the outside...people tend to tread lightly around me...somhow afraid of me...this makes me laugh...I'm really a nice girl... I giggle to think of a comment another mamas husband once said:
the mama: "what does gracie do?"
the daddy: "i would guess, just about anything she wants to..."
I love that she shared this with me...
I love women..soft and sexy...tall and confident
I love men strong, tall and arrogant...to a point, with a vulnerable spirit
I love to play dress up, wear make up, do my hair and I adore jewelry and accesories...Shoes espicially
But I have more power tools and I know how to fix or build more things than some men I know....
I drive a truck...a big one...a motorcycle and also a gas saving dinky little scion...I prefer the cycle to all of them..
yet my house is all girl...soft fluffy and sexy bedroom...antiques and over stuffed pillows, pretty dishes and feminine bric a brac....soft colors in shades of green, with a deep rich color of plum
I'm a good mama..who fiercly defends her right to be "not the mama"
I can be jealous...but I'm in a semi open marriage...I can share my mister, but not my trinkets....
I love vintage dresses and sweaters with beads...but most often dress like a hoochie
I'm comfortable in a jean skirt, sandals and low cut tops, but also feel fiece laced up in a leather corset...or wearing motorcycle leathers....and boots...! love me my boots...
I love my computer...sitting for hours reading about others...yet love to be social and miss going out...
I try to embrace my curvy, and ahem...chubby shape...but long to have thinner curves...a tiny waist...(I know I know...two steps forward, three steps back...but I'M TRYING!!!)
I love to do my bellydancing...but suck so severly I feel silly trying
All of these things seem to contradict the other...yet I feel like they blend into a lovely mix of me....
I'm feeling introspective today...
she wrote about her qualities...her frailities and strenghts and how they seem to contradict one another....
I have often described myself as a contradiction...a dichotome, a quandry....
I am everything to a few...nothing to many...my wouldn't life be perfection if that were flipped?
warning...the following is long and self-indulgent. so feel free to skip over it if you wish...
I want to be cherished and popular...but I don't give a damn what most people think
I stand up for the underdog...yet rarely for myself...
I am fearless in the face of danger..yet I fear each day of my mundane life
I try to speak my own truth...admit when I'm wrong and will agrue until I'm blue in the face if I feel I'm right...yet remain silent if I'm unsure of where I stand on something.. waiting to hear the facts...
I'm soft on the inside...hard as nails on the outside...people tend to tread lightly around me...somhow afraid of me...this makes me laugh...I'm really a nice girl... I giggle to think of a comment another mamas husband once said:
the mama: "what does gracie do?"
the daddy: "i would guess, just about anything she wants to..."
I love that she shared this with me...
I love women..soft and sexy...tall and confident
I love men strong, tall and arrogant...to a point, with a vulnerable spirit
I love to play dress up, wear make up, do my hair and I adore jewelry and accesories...Shoes espicially
But I have more power tools and I know how to fix or build more things than some men I know....
I drive a truck...a big one...a motorcycle and also a gas saving dinky little scion...I prefer the cycle to all of them..
yet my house is all girl...soft fluffy and sexy bedroom...antiques and over stuffed pillows, pretty dishes and feminine bric a brac....soft colors in shades of green, with a deep rich color of plum
I'm a good mama..who fiercly defends her right to be "not the mama"
I can be jealous...but I'm in a semi open marriage...I can share my mister, but not my trinkets....
I love vintage dresses and sweaters with beads...but most often dress like a hoochie
I'm comfortable in a jean skirt, sandals and low cut tops, but also feel fiece laced up in a leather corset...or wearing motorcycle leathers....and boots...! love me my boots...
I love my computer...sitting for hours reading about others...yet love to be social and miss going out...
I try to embrace my curvy, and ahem...chubby shape...but long to have thinner curves...a tiny waist...(I know I know...two steps forward, three steps back...but I'M TRYING!!!)
I love to do my bellydancing...but suck so severly I feel silly trying
All of these things seem to contradict the other...yet I feel like they blend into a lovely mix of me....
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
As to the writing thing, I dabble. If I dabbled a bit more, I might become one. Thank you for the sweet words of affirmation though. They are much needed.
It's so weird to me to see your journal. My best friend (and former lover) called me up in a chaotic mood of self-doubt today. I had to tell her what a beautiful bundle of contradictions she was. To see what you've written, to know you better because of it, is to make me want to thank you for your honesty.