gomental

Geez! Yeah, you remember my last entry when I told you about the ONE day I lasted as a mall Santa? Okay, to keep with the Christmas theme I'm going to tell you another story! But dude, let me give you a little back story here first before I get to the real story.

There was a knock at my door last week!! Man man man. It was my 3'9" goblin of a boss from the Santa job! Dude! She says to me, "I know a way you can get your job back, Dan.." So she starts getting touchy and shit. I am not into her and I told the bitch to chill. She tried it again and I called her out! She then slapped me TWICE! You should have seen my three legged cats face! ^O-O^!!! She was staring at me upside down! So I got mad as fuck and got up and flipped the table over. I grabbed my books and walked out! Then I realized I just left my own apartment (with books too no less!)! WOW!

I walked across the street to the store to blow off some steam. I got some milk and a burrito and walked back to the street to cross over. Well, all of a sudden who should show up in this Suburban but my boss! She sticks her elfish head out of the car and looks DEAD at me and says, "You want to hear me out now, bitch?" ...........then she gets crazy. She gets out of her car and swings at me, but I grabbed her wrists. She spat in my face, so I grabbed her by her shirt and prepared to get guff with that bitch and cocked back, but then I realized it was a woman so I let go! I felt bad so I took a time out and she piped up, "So you ready to hear me out now??" I looked at the bitch all stern faced like Lee Marvin and nodded. She says to me I can have my job back if I go to her family Christmas party that night! No lie! No lie! So I had to do what a Danta had to do, and I agreed so I could get my job back.

Oh dear.............ok. I got all dressed up in a suit and tie and what not, and then we headed out to her parents place. In the car she was telling me about her family, but I could tell by her voice that they were kind of FUCKED up! So, we get to her parents house and I am zipped lipped while carrying my bosses baby, Rufus. I met her Mom first who gave me a hug and grabbed my ass! Then I met her "tweaker" Dad! Yeah. Then finally I met her half sister who was really cool, but REALLY gothy like. Her half sister was giving me some FREAKY eye!

So we go to the living room while we wait for the table to get set, and I'm sitting down minding my own business. I asked to go use the bathroom. I found the bathroom a minute later and it was really FUCKED UP. It's fucked up enough to where I could wait until I got home (and when I did, I EXPLODED). I headed back downstairs and her half sister came out of her room and said, "Can I talk to you for a sec?" I am being EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS, so I said, "Sure..." She asks me how my boss and I met and if I dig her. I didn't want to say I did, but for my jobs sake I did anyway. I said, "I guess I do." She gave me this "uh-huh" look.

I hear the table is set, so we all went down to eat. We all sat down and her half sister sat down next to me, while my boss sat across from me. Her tweak Dad and Mom are getting the food and my boss looked really embarassed because her dad was throwing a temper tantrum about the turkey!! So we start eating and what not, and all of a sudden I feel this GRIP on my crotch, dude! My bosses half sister had her hand down there and was just SQUEEZING! I tried to keep a straight face while eating, but I gave her this, "WTF" look. I kept my poker face all the while schmoozing and giving answers about my life and what I do while her sister is squeezing and rubbing away! Then the time comes to where I REALLY have to get up and use the bathroom again, but I realized I couldn't get up because I had a major wood from getting rubbed on. So I paused and remained cool. I took my napkin and placed it over my crotch and said, "I have to use the bathroom, BRB." Yes I actually said BRB! I made my way back to that fucked up bathroom and my bosses half sister is right behind me! I turned around and told her, "I don't need help." She says to me, "I know you don't, but I want to try you out!" Then I got my Danaconda serious face on and told her to kick rocks, but she gripped the crotch again and wouldnt let go!!

I said, "Fine. Lets go into your room real fast." We went into her room and got on the side of her dresser. She pulls up her dress and bent over and WOW I got in there and start pushing like there is no tomorrow, banging like crazy! Ten minutes later I pulled out and put my DNA on her back. I ran to the bathroom, disposed of the evidence and washed up BIG TIME. No smell. No trace. This was like G.I. JOE Secret Missions!

I get back downstairs and sat on the couch with the family and my boss says to me I got my job back! For the rest of the day it was a whirlwind of hugs, kisses, smoke, champagne and perfume. And CUDDLES! The mom, my boss and her half sister were all trying to find out what Dan is all about. I felt like Roger Moore! It's like I always say, "Danta Claus knows how to please, but still grills that good old pimpin' cheese!"