Ok so I went to the library today to try and find the book the 5 love languages Of course it was checked out and not due back till the 9th but a few books down from where the book would have been was a book that caught my eye How the stay lovers while raising your children now not to say that my hubby and I are not lovers but I felt there had to be some great ideas in the book, dealing with minimal time and what not. I started reading it, it was a good start all about communication and squeezing in time when ever you can like setting the alarm and hour earlier to have a quite breakfast together before the kids get up. Then it got to a chapter called Tunnel of love or tunnel vision? OK so maybe this is just me and the book says it is, but I think my kids are my number one priority my husband may leave me and my kids are still my kids, ya know? Anyway this book is going off about how kids are not the number one priority and how your spouse should be above kids work and self and that your self should be number two. It says that your feel guilted into doing thing that are good for your kids like taking them to gymnastics, couching soccer, things like this. So you should stop doing them and that your kids will understand and be happy that you are happy. Ok maybe my kids are odd because if I promise my kids something and then fall through I hear about it for ALONG time.
Ok let me share a quote from this chapter they have in big bold letters. As many marriages fail because of children as children fail because of faulty marriages. Until we learn that children are not special, but equal in importance to all of us, until we learn that we must not lead our lives and our marriages for children but with them we sacrifice our marriages, our own development. Dr. Paul Pearsall
Ok what do you think? Is that guilt trip something society has sold me into thinking my kids are special and of the most importance? Or is this book cracked?
PS I know this rant reads funny Im sorry
Ok let me share a quote from this chapter they have in big bold letters. As many marriages fail because of children as children fail because of faulty marriages. Until we learn that children are not special, but equal in importance to all of us, until we learn that we must not lead our lives and our marriages for children but with them we sacrifice our marriages, our own development. Dr. Paul Pearsall
Ok what do you think? Is that guilt trip something society has sold me into thinking my kids are special and of the most importance? Or is this book cracked?
PS I know this rant reads funny Im sorry
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When you look at the 18+ years of parenting, if you sacrifice your life for your children you will end up resenting them long before the 18 years is up (and it really won't stop there, either). I think that's what he's talking about when he says to live your life with your children.
You always make sacrifices for those you love. But you have to balance that with actually living your life, too. When you place your kids as #1, all the time, you subjugate your lives to theirs, and that is not healthy.
However, that doesn't mean you give up all things where you do something you wouldn't normally do. In some things you do make their priority #1. Go ahead and coach soccer, or scrounge the money for the ballet lessons. But also take that class you've been wanting to take for yourself, or have the night out with your girlfriends. Occasionally park your kids with a friend or relative and you and your partner take a weekend away.
Make each and every person in your family the #1 priority sometimes.
As for the latter comment about saving a child from the onrushing car... That is a completely different thing. In that instant it has nothing to do with how you'll feel in 18 years. That is an entirely different sacrifice, and one which is made very often even by the most selfish of people and who's worth more, or higher priority really doesn't play much of a role. Heroism is about doing what's necessary in a moment's need no matter the cost.