girlordinary

Life does not come with a FAQ guide. No wiki. No how-to.
I shot myself - literally. Not in the foot, but in the heart. It wasn't until I had lost the things I loved, that I even realized they were ever really there in the first place.
A how-to guide back then would have been nice. Or for someone to stop me and shake me...
But when you're a good liar... when you're a great liar... who is there to catch you other than yourself? I was too selfish to exercise proper judgement.
Selfish.
I didn't think about anyone but myself.
Since then I've tried to treat the people I care for with what I lacked back then... but again - if someone had told me back then...

I have the hardest time coming to terms with my actions. I can't seem to ever figure out how to really let that go.

I have yet to ever really move on.
This has stopped, and will stop me in the future, from having any type of healthy relationship. Until I really let go, I can't be with someone else.
The standards I've set are probably impossible. I refuse to lower the bar... I had it all and I pissed it away.

I figure that all the shitty things that have happened in the last 3 years are the result of my actions. This is my karma. I'm ok with it.
This road led him to where he is today... and the knowledge that he's happy now... I suppose it was all worth it.