Today, we passed by a car wreck. It was mostly cleaned up but it looked terrible judging from the broken glass, fire trucks and redirected traffic. The bus I was on made a small detour and we were back on the road, just a little blip on the screen, a little interruption of our continuity but back there, time just stopped upon impact. For those people, whether or not there are any deaths (and probably there were) this day, that moment its just that from now on everything will be before and after and it just is so horrible to think about a mother at home right now, not knowing that her son is dead but about to find out, about to feel the deepest sadness she ever has felt.
There always is a car about to spin out of control somewhere. Every minute of every day someone is experiencing pain and sadness they never imagined possible throat constricting, body wrenching, unbearable sadness. And here I am, unharmed this time, even more deathly afraid of cars than before, contemplating the clouds, gray sky, this tiny life of mine. I am so poetic about the suffering of others. I am sorry for that. But those cars back there already have collided those fates already have been set spinning off course or stopped altogether. That already is done.
And I believe our choices have consequences that extend far beyond our immediate perception, and that even small decisions have a huge impact on our lives and the lives of other people, but this is the thinking that keeps me endlessly awake and needlessly guilty. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this accident. It is not my fault. Unless ... Maybe I stood in front of this kids cousins girlfriend in line at the grocery store three years ago and paid with a check, making them late for a family reunion, leading to a big argument between this kid and some members of his family, leading to his eventual relocation, leading to his untimely death on the Interstate. But I know I am looking for answers where there arent any.
Tragedy is all about timing, really, and maybe its just a matter of time before my life and my worst nightmares collide. And maybe somewhere else, somewhere I barely believe in, hes still driving down the highway, moving too fast, singing along. Maybe the thought of twistedmetalfourcarpileup seems like a faraway bad dream to him now, too.
There always is a car about to spin out of control somewhere. Every minute of every day someone is experiencing pain and sadness they never imagined possible throat constricting, body wrenching, unbearable sadness. And here I am, unharmed this time, even more deathly afraid of cars than before, contemplating the clouds, gray sky, this tiny life of mine. I am so poetic about the suffering of others. I am sorry for that. But those cars back there already have collided those fates already have been set spinning off course or stopped altogether. That already is done.
And I believe our choices have consequences that extend far beyond our immediate perception, and that even small decisions have a huge impact on our lives and the lives of other people, but this is the thinking that keeps me endlessly awake and needlessly guilty. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this accident. It is not my fault. Unless ... Maybe I stood in front of this kids cousins girlfriend in line at the grocery store three years ago and paid with a check, making them late for a family reunion, leading to a big argument between this kid and some members of his family, leading to his eventual relocation, leading to his untimely death on the Interstate. But I know I am looking for answers where there arent any.
Tragedy is all about timing, really, and maybe its just a matter of time before my life and my worst nightmares collide. And maybe somewhere else, somewhere I barely believe in, hes still driving down the highway, moving too fast, singing along. Maybe the thought of twistedmetalfourcarpileup seems like a faraway bad dream to him now, too.