giftofdoubt

For Lent I decided to take up strippers and cocaine. It’s costing a lot more than I thought so I’m starting a go fund me.

So glad I never had a Twitter. Everyone who did now has a crazy X that is stuck in their life because that one time a condom broke. Now every time you see your X they’re ranting about conspiracy theories, and trying to fuck your friends.

I’ve read that doing cocaine and masturbating could prevent coronavirus. From personal experience it does seem to work. Everyone at Trader Joe’s is staying far away from me. 

I’m not drunk! I’m investigating alternate states of sobriety.

New study reveals men like to cuddle.

Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

Any given man sees only a tiny portion of the total truth, and very often, in fact almost perpetually, he deliberately deceives himself about that little precious fragment as well. A portion of him turns against him and acts like another person, defeating him from inside. A man inside a man. Which is no man at all.

Be happy now because tomorrow you are dying, but the dying begins almost at once, and the happiness is a memory

The people bound their feet with the skins of the animals.

To trample their own cities and each other.

They developed external organs like guns and television sets.

They believed that they owned things.

Yesterday lies remote and uninhibited, yet each day marks the end of the thousand year period. The alliance of past and future splits the present like a conquered nation, rendering interpretation and speculation ineffective as a means of predicting present points in time.

Wanted to be, drift it away, stay, follow your legs.

Wherever they take you, it's better that way.

I'll send you a kiss if you wish it away.