So this week's @bloghomework is an interesting one. At first I thought I was going to sit it out because I thought I didn't have an interesting story. Of course I thought the same thing about valentine's day and look where THAT ended up!
So as I've thought about this it has occurred to me that there is, in fact, one very significant thing to which SG is tied in my life and I thought it was worth sharing.
My wife and I met at an ultra-conservative Pentecostal Bible college. We were both studying for full-time ministry. She thought she was marrying a pastor and I thought that was my life path at the time, too. Needless to say, anything that remotely resembled porn in our house was tantamount to cheating and even after the idea of ministry was a misty memory the idea of me so much as looking at another woman was a huge sticking point in our relationship. It bothered my wife quite a bit.
So, of course, being a man and all, I had to be stealthy about how I consumed porn and it was that way for a LONG time. SG was one of my guilty pleasures almost since its inception but I only ever got to see the few images that made their way onto promo pages or other sites. LiveJournal had a LOT of images show up there.
The more I saw the more I liked. Of course I still had to keep things on the down-low and although I won't say I felt guilty about it (how does one feel guilty about something that is base human nature?), I did think about the blow it gave to my wife's self-esteem thinking about me looking at other women. It made her feel inadequate, which I still think is kind of silly. Variety is the spice of life. Just because I like looking at other females appreciate the beauty of the female body doesn't mean I'm not perfectly happy with what I have at home. Harry Chapin makes this point well in his song, Flowers Are Red (which is really a song about the dangers of conformity but it fits this example well - force a person's experience of life to be rigid and linear and it's a recipe for misery). There is a lot to see and experience in this much-too-short life and beautiful women with tattoos is an area just begging to be explored.
So fast forward nearly a decade. Our spiritual beliefs have changed radically and my wife's definition of monogamy has changed along with it. No, we aren't swingers and I don't have a "hall pass" to go sow seed wherever I fancy, but I remember having a conversation about porn with her at one point that steered in this direction:
"Honestly, I don't really care anymore," she said. "Men like naked women. It's how they're wired. As long as we're talking about consenting adult women who KNOW they're being photographed for that purpose, I'm fine with it."
"So you're saying it wouldn't bother you if I was on some porn site and you happened in on me looking at it?"
"Within reason, no."
Well, I took "within reason" to mean studio-produced softcore and that's fine with me. I do like a little hardcore from time to time but it's not high on my like list. In fact, I don't even consider SG to be porn. I consider it erotic art. But anyway, my next question (and the answer to it) were a pivotal point in our relationship.
"Because if that's the case," I said, "there are a couple sites I've been wanting to join for a while."
"Fine with me."
Just three syllables, but they changed things radically around here.
I became a member of SG... oh... five minutes later.
It is very liberating having a spouse who "gets it" and she even likes some of the sets. She comments a lot about hair and makeup and she likes the body art on some of the models. For me, of course, it's the whole package, obviously, and being allowed to enjoy it without shame is huge.