"Dark Center of the Universe"
So its another one of those nights. 4:40 and no sleep in the near future. ive got to move my stuff out of my apartment thursday, assuming the rest of it hasnt been stolen. i dont want to move my stuff, i just want them to finish the job and steal the rest. that way i can just make a clean break with most of my personal possessions and be done with it. ive been having this weird feeling of death hovering around me for the last week or so, im not afraid to die so its not really this terrifying or scary thing, its just kind of strange. without sending off warning alarms, i think about dying alot. i just hope sometimes to be cut down in some freak accident, no pain or anything, and hopefully it would be a funny story. maybe this is a good example of my laziness, but living and working and all that shit is alot to deal with day to day and sometimes i just get fucking tired of it. i realize friends and family would be upset, but if there's no great beyond (probably the case) then what are we doing? everyone should just kill themselves, and if there is an afterlife hopefully there's no debt or bills or work there. whats scarier than my display of laziness above, is that i think i dont kill myself sometimes because that would take too much work.
again im not suicidal, just bored and tired. i want tattoos to appear on my arms, i dont have the time right now to get them done and i wish they would just show up there.
"Perfect Disguise"
We should get together the first annual SuicideGirls B.A.C. championship. me and gschnider will organize it, seeing as how we are veterans of two previous B.A.C. championships. The rules are simple, highest blood alcohol level wins, you must stay awake for three hours, and you must provide your own alcohol. oh and not really a rule, but make sure you dont pass out with your shoes on. i feel like i should be writing something more important than what i have, but i guess this is as good as its going to get tonite. maybe next time ill be able to dive a little deeper into what makes me the shithead i am.
"Mr. Self Destruct"
Sleeping sucks and im boycotting it, until at least around 3 pm at work tomorrow. by then i should have some painkillers and some booze in me and the sleep im boycotting tonite will seem like a pretty good idea. Im running out of ways and words to waste your time with.
"Heresy"
Fuck religion. Seriously. right in its gay little ass. i need more cigarettes and i need to go be productive, but how the fuck do you do that at 5 in the morning? im seriously contemplating going to work and just working off the clock for the next 6 hours, just to keep myself busy. i feel like im supposed to be doing something more, except im not very outwardly creative. if i had a way to translate my brains thoughts into something physical i would be much better off. but i cant draw, i cant sing, i dont play any instruments, so what the fuck am i supposed to do? theres this big fucking void and i dont know if its meant to be filled or thats just what this life has turned out to be. whatever.
At least Sportscenter on TV, i would get off my lazy ass and kill myself if Sportscenter wasnt on all morning and night.
I dont know Karate but i know Karazy
So its another one of those nights. 4:40 and no sleep in the near future. ive got to move my stuff out of my apartment thursday, assuming the rest of it hasnt been stolen. i dont want to move my stuff, i just want them to finish the job and steal the rest. that way i can just make a clean break with most of my personal possessions and be done with it. ive been having this weird feeling of death hovering around me for the last week or so, im not afraid to die so its not really this terrifying or scary thing, its just kind of strange. without sending off warning alarms, i think about dying alot. i just hope sometimes to be cut down in some freak accident, no pain or anything, and hopefully it would be a funny story. maybe this is a good example of my laziness, but living and working and all that shit is alot to deal with day to day and sometimes i just get fucking tired of it. i realize friends and family would be upset, but if there's no great beyond (probably the case) then what are we doing? everyone should just kill themselves, and if there is an afterlife hopefully there's no debt or bills or work there. whats scarier than my display of laziness above, is that i think i dont kill myself sometimes because that would take too much work.
again im not suicidal, just bored and tired. i want tattoos to appear on my arms, i dont have the time right now to get them done and i wish they would just show up there.
"Perfect Disguise"
We should get together the first annual SuicideGirls B.A.C. championship. me and gschnider will organize it, seeing as how we are veterans of two previous B.A.C. championships. The rules are simple, highest blood alcohol level wins, you must stay awake for three hours, and you must provide your own alcohol. oh and not really a rule, but make sure you dont pass out with your shoes on. i feel like i should be writing something more important than what i have, but i guess this is as good as its going to get tonite. maybe next time ill be able to dive a little deeper into what makes me the shithead i am.
"Mr. Self Destruct"
Sleeping sucks and im boycotting it, until at least around 3 pm at work tomorrow. by then i should have some painkillers and some booze in me and the sleep im boycotting tonite will seem like a pretty good idea. Im running out of ways and words to waste your time with.
"Heresy"
Fuck religion. Seriously. right in its gay little ass. i need more cigarettes and i need to go be productive, but how the fuck do you do that at 5 in the morning? im seriously contemplating going to work and just working off the clock for the next 6 hours, just to keep myself busy. i feel like im supposed to be doing something more, except im not very outwardly creative. if i had a way to translate my brains thoughts into something physical i would be much better off. but i cant draw, i cant sing, i dont play any instruments, so what the fuck am i supposed to do? theres this big fucking void and i dont know if its meant to be filled or thats just what this life has turned out to be. whatever.
At least Sportscenter on TV, i would get off my lazy ass and kill myself if Sportscenter wasnt on all morning and night.
I dont know Karate but i know Karazy
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
violently:
sweet i am all about getting drunk, and if greg is still down tell him to drop me a line and let me know whats up.
violently:
that is awesome. i went home, ate some klonopins and woke up to the sweet sweet sound of jackhammering in my backyard 