hmm...i managed to stay out of trouble while walking the fine line last night.i think i'm just going to constantly test fate here. i know its bad but sometimes the line makes things more interesting. you know the whole thing look but don't touch, touch but don't taste, taste but don't swallow? yea sometimes i like to throw that right out the window. i like to grab it by the hair and punch it in the face a few times. i need to stay away from it, but i just cant. and i know for a fact that there will be a moment where i cross the line and keep running from it like it was never there to begin with.
the problem is for so long i thought i wasnt much. thought i didnt have much to offer. thought the personallity wasnt really there and the looks might as well have not exsisted. i would say over the past year and a half two years, i have steadily had an ever growing realization that i can pull better than what i was with or aiming for. i can only thank two people for this. one is no longer here on this site and the other was (at least to me) probably the hottest girl you could ever imagine and just being around her and having that experience set me up to have a better self image.(also i mean i'm not totally shallow her personallity and the time we talked also made her even more attractive just being the awesome that she is.) and with that being said once you get said girl there is no going back to ordinary everyday unless it has something that you really feel you need. i settled for 8 months with something i knew i no longer wanted and was attracted to though since i still wasnt sure about myself. but once i finally let go of that.i can honestly say every person i've talked to has been in that range where i feel they don't bore me and i'm completely physically attracted to them or think they are straight up hot. but here is where it gets sticky now that i know i can consistantly get that part of me just wants whore me out. why not enjoy it? right? just slightly egotistical but at least well deserved.
but i'm trying to just let that go. i'm trying to look at what i know i have right in front of me. the girl i know i get along with for the most part and the girl that wants to start at least the next session of life with me. its just hard. for me at least. but i don't want to be a douchebag so i dont do anything about it. meaning i don't try to get with other people. hopefully i can show some self control there.
the problem is for so long i thought i wasnt much. thought i didnt have much to offer. thought the personallity wasnt really there and the looks might as well have not exsisted. i would say over the past year and a half two years, i have steadily had an ever growing realization that i can pull better than what i was with or aiming for. i can only thank two people for this. one is no longer here on this site and the other was (at least to me) probably the hottest girl you could ever imagine and just being around her and having that experience set me up to have a better self image.(also i mean i'm not totally shallow her personallity and the time we talked also made her even more attractive just being the awesome that she is.) and with that being said once you get said girl there is no going back to ordinary everyday unless it has something that you really feel you need. i settled for 8 months with something i knew i no longer wanted and was attracted to though since i still wasnt sure about myself. but once i finally let go of that.i can honestly say every person i've talked to has been in that range where i feel they don't bore me and i'm completely physically attracted to them or think they are straight up hot. but here is where it gets sticky now that i know i can consistantly get that part of me just wants whore me out. why not enjoy it? right? just slightly egotistical but at least well deserved.
but i'm trying to just let that go. i'm trying to look at what i know i have right in front of me. the girl i know i get along with for the most part and the girl that wants to start at least the next session of life with me. its just hard. for me at least. but i don't want to be a douchebag so i dont do anything about it. meaning i don't try to get with other people. hopefully i can show some self control there.
My Mom would always use the "look but don't touch" line on me when I was little. I don't recall, however, her ever telling my to "taste but don't swallow". Maybe concerning bubble-gum.