goddamn goddamn goddamn
When did people become so hopelessly fucking stupid and full of mindless hatred? I'm not talking about Iraq or the war or any such repulsive shit. I speak of the average sad dickhead on the street.
I was just walking home after slaving 9 hours of lifting bending and repetitive movement that- for the low low price of minimum wage, but the cost of deteorating what's left of my inflamed arthritic joints- and getting the bullshit and insults of disgruntled Foodland customers as an added bonus. So anyway- some fuckwad comes screeching by and his brainiac passenger yells (and I'm sure with much glee at his own cleverness), "SLUT!" I was already in a state of such despondency and depression that I was physically sick with it. Of course the loudest "FUCK YOU!" you can imagine was merely reflex. I was really truly hoping that they would turn around and come back to confront me with some macho bullshit posturing. Cowards who yell at pedestrians of course would never do such a thing, but GOD I was fantasizing the rest of my short walk home. " I have a rusty straight razor with your fucking name on it, cocksucker." & I do.
What joy does this anonymus asshole actually get by screaming an insult at ME- a dark figure on the sidewalk? Carrying groceries. Simply because my form was detectably female he has a sudden compulsion to scream out the things he damn well knows he hasn't the chutzpah to dare say to me if we were face to face, away from the protection of the hurtling Geekmobile and his dumb friend cheering him on. It just reinforces my ever-growing deep deep abysmally deep hatred for mankind. Do I have "fuck me over" or "use me up" written in my expressions or tone of my voice? I am sure- as someone (
) quite astutely pointed out, that my depression plus my dumb good-natured naivete/ optimism is like a huge neon WELCOME sign to those psychic vampires looking for a feed. Well sorry to disappoint, no more meals for free, fuckers.
Before I was so rudely interrupted by the screaming moron, I was thinking about relationships. Since NO ONE is perfect, flawless, without some sort of baggage or damage, I was thinking that ANY relationship is really then just a partnership of compromised ideals. Like- How much damage am I willing to tolerate to compensate my loneliness? Everything is a trade-off. I was thinking more deeply on the matter, but you know the rest...
SLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
FUCK YOU!
The eternal struggle continues.
On another subject- although I'll continue to use the slut/fuck you scenario as a figurative model herein-
I've went and done something that i damn well knew better than to do. I like pain, i must. The outcome is as sure as any woman walking home with groceries is some Idiot's SLUT!- that is to say, definite, inevitable, sad, predictable and will surely leave me angry and hurt, pissed at myself for ever thinking I could walk down a damn street and expect anything besides what i get: Abuse. I'll let this play out to it's inevitable end. Won't take long, you know.
Well, now that I've cheered you all up I think I'll go lie down.
Love- haha,
Me
ArtistsInBloom.com
When did people become so hopelessly fucking stupid and full of mindless hatred? I'm not talking about Iraq or the war or any such repulsive shit. I speak of the average sad dickhead on the street.
I was just walking home after slaving 9 hours of lifting bending and repetitive movement that- for the low low price of minimum wage, but the cost of deteorating what's left of my inflamed arthritic joints- and getting the bullshit and insults of disgruntled Foodland customers as an added bonus. So anyway- some fuckwad comes screeching by and his brainiac passenger yells (and I'm sure with much glee at his own cleverness), "SLUT!" I was already in a state of such despondency and depression that I was physically sick with it. Of course the loudest "FUCK YOU!" you can imagine was merely reflex. I was really truly hoping that they would turn around and come back to confront me with some macho bullshit posturing. Cowards who yell at pedestrians of course would never do such a thing, but GOD I was fantasizing the rest of my short walk home. " I have a rusty straight razor with your fucking name on it, cocksucker." & I do.
What joy does this anonymus asshole actually get by screaming an insult at ME- a dark figure on the sidewalk? Carrying groceries. Simply because my form was detectably female he has a sudden compulsion to scream out the things he damn well knows he hasn't the chutzpah to dare say to me if we were face to face, away from the protection of the hurtling Geekmobile and his dumb friend cheering him on. It just reinforces my ever-growing deep deep abysmally deep hatred for mankind. Do I have "fuck me over" or "use me up" written in my expressions or tone of my voice? I am sure- as someone (
) quite astutely pointed out, that my depression plus my dumb good-natured naivete/ optimism is like a huge neon WELCOME sign to those psychic vampires looking for a feed. Well sorry to disappoint, no more meals for free, fuckers.
Before I was so rudely interrupted by the screaming moron, I was thinking about relationships. Since NO ONE is perfect, flawless, without some sort of baggage or damage, I was thinking that ANY relationship is really then just a partnership of compromised ideals. Like- How much damage am I willing to tolerate to compensate my loneliness? Everything is a trade-off. I was thinking more deeply on the matter, but you know the rest...
SLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
FUCK YOU!
The eternal struggle continues.
On another subject- although I'll continue to use the slut/fuck you scenario as a figurative model herein-
I've went and done something that i damn well knew better than to do. I like pain, i must. The outcome is as sure as any woman walking home with groceries is some Idiot's SLUT!- that is to say, definite, inevitable, sad, predictable and will surely leave me angry and hurt, pissed at myself for ever thinking I could walk down a damn street and expect anything besides what i get: Abuse. I'll let this play out to it's inevitable end. Won't take long, you know.
Well, now that I've cheered you all up I think I'll go lie down.
Love- haha,
Me
ArtistsInBloom.com
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I am worried a bit. Did you get my email?
Just remember, for every one asshole screaming "slut" out his car window, there are at least 100,000 men who would simply just drive by and take a peek and go..."Wow, she is cute...but way out of my league."
In fact, I sense that the word SLUT means about the same thing, in alphamale shorthand, of course. Think about it. What does calling someone slut accomplish? It is a power struggle, an acknowledgement that you are outclassing them, so they must try to overcome this obvious mismatch by diminishing you...SLUT thus is the verbal accusation, as well as other choice words, that flow from the small minds of small people, afraid that you - like so many other smart women in their pasts - will just look through them, past them, and not even pause to give them consideration.
Thus we get the words, the yell...and a demon's mind is put temporarily at ease...he has transferred his angst, his litost to you for a moment, his heart is lighter and he feels more like a man for having said it. The misogyny is merely a cover for a boy inside the man who's mother didn't love him enough...or maybe he caught her having an affair when he was young...it matters not.
Those words do not reflect on you...don't take them inside. They are the primal screams of a person so thin and crass...his words are the echos of his empty soul.
SLUT = you are cute, but out of my league. I wish I could date women like you, but I am a weak-willed man without the balls to ask you out...so I must do something to prove that all this that I feel is in error.
BTW - I miss the SHIT out of you right now...reply reply reply
Did I mention I have a low opinion of the general populace of the Ohio River Valley?
No matter how willing I am to make compromises in a relationship, I keep finding myself not only making all the sacrifices, but getting lied to and cheated on for my efforts. Still lonely, but at least I'm a lot more careful about what I'm willing to get myself into.