Ive been getting questions about the whole CIA spy thing (see question #20). Several years ago a friend of mine and I went to Oktober Fest in Munich (which is in September by the way). We spent most of the time just bumming around Munich but the one night we actually did attend the Festival we ended up drinking with a bunch of Russians. Now my friend and I speak passable German but no Russian. Of the 12 or so Russians 1 spoke English and 3 more spoke some level of German. But lots of beer has a way of lubricating the communication gears so to speak. So speaking English, German, Russian, and using our hands quite a bit we all managed to translate most of it for most of us most of the time. The one Russian who spoke English did a lot work. By the end of the evening we had a smattering of conversational Russian ourselves. Any how, Uri (the English speaker) asked me what I did for a living. I answered that I was an environmental scientist.
He says Oh, so you are a CIA spy.
No, no, I reply, Im a scientist.
Everybody knows, all American scientists are CIA spies, he states authoritatively.
Really, Im just a scientist, Im sounding a little nervous at this point.
Squinting in a drunken clever way he points at me and says, But if you were a CIA spy would you not say the same thing?
Letting this logic percolate through the beer stew that is my brain at this point I finally, feeling quite pleased with my own cleverness I might add, attempt to use reverse psychology.
Ok then, I am a CIA spy, I say thinking this proves I cant be a CIA spy.
Uri stands up calls for everyones attention in Russian and when everyone looks begins to rattle off a long chain of Russian ending with pointing at me and saying quite clearly in English, CIA spy.
All conversation stops at this point as the whole table of Russians stares drunkenly at me for what seemed a very long time.
At a loss for comment I stand up and raise my beer mug, Nasdarovia, (I make no claims as to the accuracy of this spelling, but its Russian for cheers).
Two long heartbeats of silence then as one the entire table stands raise their mugs and repeats Nasdarovia.
It was a good night.
He says Oh, so you are a CIA spy.
No, no, I reply, Im a scientist.
Everybody knows, all American scientists are CIA spies, he states authoritatively.
Really, Im just a scientist, Im sounding a little nervous at this point.
Squinting in a drunken clever way he points at me and says, But if you were a CIA spy would you not say the same thing?
Letting this logic percolate through the beer stew that is my brain at this point I finally, feeling quite pleased with my own cleverness I might add, attempt to use reverse psychology.
Ok then, I am a CIA spy, I say thinking this proves I cant be a CIA spy.
Uri stands up calls for everyones attention in Russian and when everyone looks begins to rattle off a long chain of Russian ending with pointing at me and saying quite clearly in English, CIA spy.
All conversation stops at this point as the whole table of Russians stares drunkenly at me for what seemed a very long time.
At a loss for comment I stand up and raise my beer mug, Nasdarovia, (I make no claims as to the accuracy of this spelling, but its Russian for cheers).
Two long heartbeats of silence then as one the entire table stands raise their mugs and repeats Nasdarovia.
It was a good night.
The spooks come out at night Finn.
I cant believe I never told you that story. Later that same night one of the Russians comes up to me puts his arms around my shoulders and says You know, I saw many things when I worked for the government. I could tell you things.
I nearly shit my pants. no no dont tell me things. Or actually, Nien, nien, sprechs du nicht aus loss.
Luckily he didnt tell me any old Soviet state secrets that would get me killed. He did however; tell me that he used to be some sort of mid level official. Apparently, luxury foods and produce were better than money, drugs, and a big swinging cod for seducing women in them days. He was most certainly full of shit but he told excellent dirty jokes. Trust me, if you can make someone laugh in a language you both only partially speak then you are a funny mother fucker.