1. I memorized the whole of Edgar Allen Poes The Raven when I was in school and for some reason I can still recite most of it, most of the time.
2. When my friends get too drunk I make them try to recite portions of the poem to get their car keys back.
3. I only drink once a week or so but I have one of the highest tolerances I know of. I can polish off an entire bottle of whisky with beer chasers throughout the course of an evening and only be slightly tipsy. I never get hangovers.
4. I am considered kind of a tough guy or hard ass which is funny considering I cry at the end of every sad movie or book even if they are not that good.
5. Only men are intimidated by me, perceptive women generally spot my inner softie in mere moments.
6. I love my job and Im good at it, but I work way too much.
7. My birthday was on the 17nth and I completely forgot until people started calling to congratulate me on not dying for 34 years.
8. I spent four hours playing on the floor with my baby niece Sydney last night.
9. My dog Marmalade is short, orange, 14 years old, and the sweetest smartest dog Ive ever known. He knows more tricks and commands than I can easily count. He also knows all of his commands in Spanish as well as English due to the efforts of a beautiful lady I dated years ago.
10. My other favorite drunk test is to repeat the following. A Seyfert galaxy is a spiral galaxy with an unusually luminous blue nucleus. You can try as many times as you like but you have to get it right once before you get the keys.
11. For some reason in my life I have ended up making out with more lesbians than makes any kind of sense. Fun but odd. The first time I was only 15 or 16 and it was with this much older lady I had known my whole life. It was sweet and lovely and afterwards when I asked her about it she said the following; Your whole life people will tell you sexuality is a fence and you have to pick a side to stand on. The truth is only 1 % of the people are completely hetero-sexual or homo-sexual. So beware of people who make that claim because the odds are they are lying to you and themselves. She may be one of the wisest people I have ever met.
12. When I was 3 years old I ate some LSD because it was on pretty paper. My fathers 2 best friends kicked my parents out of the house because my parents were so worried they were freaking me out. Then they played with me for 6 hours until I finally fell asleep. The question of permanent side effects is still under debate.
13. Once I won a sashaying contest.
14. Ive written a childrens book. Its called the Origami Mysteries. I just need an illustrator.
15. In high school two football players decided to jump me after class. I ended up winning decisively. After that all the football players decided I was cool. It was very surreal. I never knew how to act when they were nice to me.
16. Years ago someone started a rumor that I have a huge penis. I dont know how it started. I mean I got lucky in that department but I would hardly say I won the lottery, if you know what I mean. And of those that may claim direct dimensional knowledge it seems that they enjoy bragging more than any man ever did.
17. When I was a kid I bought myself one of those cheesy porcelain masks. Then a high school girlfriend bought me another to go with it. Now fifteen years later I own over a hundred different masks from all over the world. Two different people in entirely separate events years apart gave me masks from Indonesia made by the same guy. Then by random chance I found another in a little shop Germany. So, I bought the second of the only two masks I have ever purchased.
18. The most common first question from Germans upon finding out I was American; What do you think of Bush?
19. The finest Irish pub outside of Ireland I have ever come across is a place called Kilians in Munich.
20. Once a drunken Russian under the mistaken perception that I was a CIA spy offered to tell me things.
2. When my friends get too drunk I make them try to recite portions of the poem to get their car keys back.
3. I only drink once a week or so but I have one of the highest tolerances I know of. I can polish off an entire bottle of whisky with beer chasers throughout the course of an evening and only be slightly tipsy. I never get hangovers.
4. I am considered kind of a tough guy or hard ass which is funny considering I cry at the end of every sad movie or book even if they are not that good.
5. Only men are intimidated by me, perceptive women generally spot my inner softie in mere moments.
6. I love my job and Im good at it, but I work way too much.
7. My birthday was on the 17nth and I completely forgot until people started calling to congratulate me on not dying for 34 years.
8. I spent four hours playing on the floor with my baby niece Sydney last night.
9. My dog Marmalade is short, orange, 14 years old, and the sweetest smartest dog Ive ever known. He knows more tricks and commands than I can easily count. He also knows all of his commands in Spanish as well as English due to the efforts of a beautiful lady I dated years ago.
10. My other favorite drunk test is to repeat the following. A Seyfert galaxy is a spiral galaxy with an unusually luminous blue nucleus. You can try as many times as you like but you have to get it right once before you get the keys.
11. For some reason in my life I have ended up making out with more lesbians than makes any kind of sense. Fun but odd. The first time I was only 15 or 16 and it was with this much older lady I had known my whole life. It was sweet and lovely and afterwards when I asked her about it she said the following; Your whole life people will tell you sexuality is a fence and you have to pick a side to stand on. The truth is only 1 % of the people are completely hetero-sexual or homo-sexual. So beware of people who make that claim because the odds are they are lying to you and themselves. She may be one of the wisest people I have ever met.
12. When I was 3 years old I ate some LSD because it was on pretty paper. My fathers 2 best friends kicked my parents out of the house because my parents were so worried they were freaking me out. Then they played with me for 6 hours until I finally fell asleep. The question of permanent side effects is still under debate.
13. Once I won a sashaying contest.
14. Ive written a childrens book. Its called the Origami Mysteries. I just need an illustrator.
15. In high school two football players decided to jump me after class. I ended up winning decisively. After that all the football players decided I was cool. It was very surreal. I never knew how to act when they were nice to me.
16. Years ago someone started a rumor that I have a huge penis. I dont know how it started. I mean I got lucky in that department but I would hardly say I won the lottery, if you know what I mean. And of those that may claim direct dimensional knowledge it seems that they enjoy bragging more than any man ever did.
17. When I was a kid I bought myself one of those cheesy porcelain masks. Then a high school girlfriend bought me another to go with it. Now fifteen years later I own over a hundred different masks from all over the world. Two different people in entirely separate events years apart gave me masks from Indonesia made by the same guy. Then by random chance I found another in a little shop Germany. So, I bought the second of the only two masks I have ever purchased.
18. The most common first question from Germans upon finding out I was American; What do you think of Bush?
19. The finest Irish pub outside of Ireland I have ever come across is a place called Kilians in Munich.
20. Once a drunken Russian under the mistaken perception that I was a CIA spy offered to tell me things.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door -Only this, and nothing more.'
3. I have one of the lowest tolerances I know of. I can polish off an entire shot of whiskey with Tawny Port chasers throughout the course of an evening and only be naked and wasted six hours later, drooling and saying something about licking walls. God, I miss those days.
7. Did I forget your birthday? OOOPS if I did. I'll just say we're even. I've been meaning to talk to you and the Mrs. about cutting down on your phone calls to me. I mean, it's bad enough I have to read all those emails you send. *wink*
16. No comment......I don't even want to fathom going there. Well, it is quite an interesting thing to ponder.......nevermind.