Tuesday Apr 12, 2005

0
I need advice.

I've come to the realization that I can't have (most likely ever) the type of relationship I want with someone. For a long time I've hidden from myself the fact that I've craved approval from this person more than anyone else. At the same time, this person has made it abundantly clear that I'll never achieve the level of approval I'm after. I'm very close to this person, but I'm not at the same time. I can't imagine this person not being in my life, but this person is only there for me when I reach out. I never get the call, I make the call. Now, I realize it's time to distance myself from this person. I don't know how to do it, though. I don't want to do it in anger and I don't want to be the sulky child. I just want to free myself from having to love someone who can't love me in the way I need to be loved. I don't know if that makes any sense. All I know is that I can't find a voice to speak to this person with, but I can't just turn my back without a word. Right now, I feel pretty lost.
hotcurry:
I think you know what you need to do. It's hard not to be passive aggressive about it though as you say, I have twice in my life had to cut of relationships with people who were charming, funny, intelligent and a whole lot of fun to be with in the moment because they were also were also living in their own little universe and unable to give without being told to give.

Before you make any drastic decisions, I would talk to this person and say that you adore them but you feel like the thought of you never crosses their mind. They mean the world to you but it's hard to give so much of one's self and get very little in return. It's hurting you.

I hope it goes well.

P.S. I'm off from my regular day job now for about a month. So I am here if you would like some art.
sgdevotee:


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