eyeballkid

I am exceptionally drunk. Here's my story.
I show up at a party dressed in blue jeans, a button down plaid shirt (only top button buttoned) a red bandana (knot in the front) and huge aviator glasses. I'm greeted at the door by Germ's cat, Famine. I kiss him on the nose and move on to the kitchen, looking for something to mix with my gallon of vodka to give it a taste other than cheap peroxide. I find a cheap mt. dew knockoff, dr. piss Xtreme. I am somewhat satisfied with the mix and drink 3 or 6 drinks. I make another and go out to the yard singing to myself..."times were never this good, got a fly for food, got no woman to spend all my money, smoked that bitch for blowin' all my money..." I stumble into the backyard, across a hot tub. I slam my drink and walk into the living room to inform the girls, lets call 'em Mary and Missy, that we were gettin' into the hottub, and informed them to change. Germ offers me a pair of trunks, though they are from his fat days and way too big, therefor requiring a belt. I stumble upon a rubber snake and smile. A few minutes later I tell Germ that I have discovered the new "out-of-the-box" fashion, and fall into the back room with a rubber snake tied around my waist as a belt. He laughs so hard he falls out of his chair and starts crying. I don't know if he's crying cause of the belt or because he fell, so I tell him I'm o.k., and walk out back and climb into the hottub. Me, Mary and Missy end up nude and me and Mary start gettin' friskie under the bubbleing water. I stick my big toe into her pussy, and I can sense the mixture of pleasure and confusion. I fake a yawn and suggest we go to "sleep". I end up getting severe rug burn on my knees from "sleeping" doggy-style with Mary, and wake up to the entire Voltron Crew knocking on the back room door. I wake up, get some coffee, and we discuss the supreme brilliance of Bohemian Rhapsody, noting the fact that we've never heard the song without it being sung by someone within ears-length. They go out for breakfast and I go home to take a nap in the shower with the warm water running over my bruised body. My apartment smells like a hotel suite, from the window ac unit. I have a wonderful dream, in the shower, about being a pirate along-side Johnny Depp, in the Pirates of the Carribean sequel. No shit. It was all-in-all a great night.