ever

im a blog whore...

last night was so much fun. i dominated at monopoly!! i so won that shit by a landslide. go me! but, on another note.. i was reading a thread recently and someone asked the question "when was the last time you had a completly HONEST conversation?" it was in reguards to whats really going on in your life and how you really feel about it all. it got me thinking about it and i broke down and called my sister because shes really the only person i have in my life that i can be 100% honest with and she never judges me for it. if i feel like i want to slit my wrist one day i can tell her and she doesnt call me insane. not that i want to slit my wrist but you get my point.

so anyways, i thought, hmm.. maybe ill be honest for once. here goes. i really dont have a bad life. its not the best and i have plenty of reasons to complain but i completely see that it could be worse. i have a roof over my head, one thats my own, i can pay the bill for it with no help. i have food on my table, running water, electricity, that right there gives me much more than some people. i dont have a phone right now, i couldnt afford the bill this month. however, next weekend, ill have one again.. 2 weeks without a phone really makes you see how absorbed with material objects you are. i thought, damn this is horrible how could life get worse. then i drove to work and saw a homeless woman holding a sign begging for food. im kinda ashamed of myself.

as far as my heart goes, im still trying to pull myself up from the recent tear. i havent spoken to him in 2 weeks and its not by my choice rather his. as much as i want to hate him for this, i cant because i needed him to do this, i needed him to be an asshole and quit talking to me. i never would have fully broken away from him and moved on if he didnt do this. i know youre reading this right now, reguardless of whether i miss you and love you, im glad youre letting me let go of you. its a fight i couldnt win alone. it sucks having to admit that, ya know. it sucks to have to stand up and say "im not strong enough to walk away from yu can you please be an asshole and leave me alone whether you want to or not" ya know. i lost an amazing friend in all this. i think thats what hurts the most. i just want to be able to still have my friend around. i want to still be able to talk to him. i miss that part more than anything.

my thought on SG currently, i still love it. i disagree with the way some hopefuls are taking things. but were women we get catty. im going to shoot another set. im going to do that no matter how many sets i put up for SCS cause honestly id rather just shoot another set and see what happens than sit around waithing and do nothing about it but bitch. this isnt pointed at anyone by the way, its just my personal opion. which leads me to this......


if i have an opinion, its mine to have. i can think what i want and speak my mind when i want. so can every other girl on this site. if you dont like it, dont involve yourself in it. you arent being forced to. just turn your head because when you try to play moderator and lock conversations that are going on between the hopefuls that you have no right to end its only going to fuel girls. if its not your job to put an end to something, dont, because chances are youre doing it in a rude way and some girls want to finish voicing their opinions and you being a smartass about the fact that you got the point and that youre closing this thread is only going to piss girls off more. you arent the moderator, you arent staff, youre only making people upset. just let the girls vent and find someone in the group that read the thread who can support what theyre going through at that time. thats what were all there for. however, i never once stated anything that was rude or "bashed" anyone or anything. simply pointed out a fact... i didnt need your attitude.



thanks for letting me be honest
ever-