eventide

you know, the thing about suicide girls is .. i mean i know im not a kid. or , to put it another way i know i AM a kid despite all these years, and this dumn job. my dad asked me if i had any friends here and i said, well, no, but that soon the students were coming - and then he said, no, he meant people my own age. and, its funny, but my first reaction was, "what would i want with them?! i mean except larry, i cant think of a soul any where near that old who seems to understand me, or withwhom i would want to spend time. i mean, fun time. its not that ive anything against old farts. but... they are usually just a little .. i dont know, dull. and i usually feel like i have to tuck in my shirt and make sense or something.

i love suicide girls because i connect with people here. ive gotten -- i feel ive gotten better advice here than from my wise ass shrink. thats why i dumped her. you guys are SMART - - heart-smart. body-smart. what my dad is not. i love you dad, but so much of it is a pose from my part.

i dont know why this is why im here see what i mean? why i love you guys why all my friends are half my age. maybe im a retard -- but if that were so then how could i be a fuckin professor? i mean, i know, im just faking the prof thing, so i can earn the money i need to pay d to work with me. and also so that i can help people unfold as artists.

im thinking now of something my brother once said. i think i told him once, years ago, when i was - this university had just flown me half-way around the world to interview me --how strange it felt how unsure i was that would want a job like that. and he said: he knew a prof at u of texas austin, um... right: Linda Montano and he was saying, shes crazy as a loon, and that artists are allowed to be. well, thank god. thanks steve, that gave me hope .. at least it gave me confidence about getting a job.

but back to my point, am i weird. i mean. is something wrong with me. that i belong to sg and waste my late nights talking, or flirting or whatever with you guys?