eventide

ok whiner, listen up: you can make these things happen. the new group material, the solo, the viola da gamba piece..,., even operas and tours. this is your gift. actually not that many people _could_ even do this. in the sense of _are able_. the point is you probably will too. so , if you have to hang out alone a few days here and there, o r if some pretty-mouthed ex-norwegian whose fallen for the sweet large programmer man dump you, you shouldnt feel worthless. youre not.

i was going to write about suicide. since i saw the hours again, it represents so well my feelings on the subject. doing it can be an act of love. i know it hurts.. and i know virginia had certain ... well, did she really hear voices (a symptom of schizophrenia). . i dont. but i do suffer. things happen to me which hurt my feelings. pretty often. this has been going on all my life.

so we dive into work. when we are not doing it, we wish we were! it would be cool if someone were around sometimes. thats all. i know i built this prison. i know....

its my heart though... its not ... ,,, know the story of the butterfly.., such a complete transformation ..,. well,--- this has happened!

and will again.