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eventide

Germany

Member Since 2004

Followers 7 Following 7

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Saturday Nov 26, 2005

Nov 26, 2005
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i hid myself in flames today. i ran across that field in the photo there. i ran so hard i felt like someone else. YES!!!!


i worked on school shit mostly,. but i worked on palindrome too!!! i thought it and felt it. i feel that desire to create. my ideas are concrete enough. and i know how to get from here to there.

i know how to do this. its like a gift, a talent or a ... theres no word for this feeling. its like when you throw a big stone into the ocean. you can be completely certain of its existence. of the splash that is about to follow. of its dark weight, sinking, invisibly, wet. certain to change. certain to buried and forgotten. like the thunder.

i need a partner. no no, not a lover. i mean someone to say "lets meet at the studio at 2". lets record this, lets burn that. its an energy thing. i get enough ideas, but totally alone, i suck. i decided today that inspiration and discipline are two words for the same thing. i told lar that i had invited d to iceland. he almost hit me (good thing we were on the phone). jeez . i guess i need to be hit sometimes. see what i mean?! i really do need other people. my job is to build fires. other people are there to keep them from spreading to the house. (i once burned a house down once)
it was a good day. full. not too manic. alone.

talked to lar on the phone.
ok. so what if she says yes. what if she says no. you know what? i dont care. yeh right - I DONT!!! its a work thing. its work its work its work. it always was. it always will be.
GET IT STRAIGHT! anything else you may think. all the drugs and hatred and jealousy and destruction. that is something for a good shrink to explain someday (if i can ever find one). its not her. shes just a punk artist i worked with , and might again. its not her. this is what is hard for outsiders to understand. ITS NOT HER. it never was. its not even me. at least not this me. the capacity to separate these things is exactly what making art is. it is exactly the difference between solipsism and cogent personal investment. ie artistic-ness.

hey larry, write me a comment. look. just click the button directly --- i think under this....

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