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-found crumpled at the bottom of a pile of papers-

but we know something they do not: that art lives from vision; the burning kind that makes
an idea seem larger than life. at least larger than it is. these are things important.
not because the piece will be so good -- that depends on other things -- and not because it will be important...
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this flu goes on and on.
and on. im getting bored. day 8. errrrgggeerrrrrr.

at least my workshop victim, i mean student, has calmed down. she works away and seems to take it all in stride.

i have my six girl friends, all far far away. and then i think, "is this a life?". and then i think "oh youre sick. dont believe anything you...
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not being. its sort of taboo i know. but the truth is its an option. i wouldnt do it. not tonight or tomorrow. not yet. but i like to look it in the eyes. this is good. i -

the old already know the reason
so do the sad hotels
that too much is only for a short while
and is still not enough
and...
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ohsoordinary:
If only I spoke Italian.
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drink something strong. go running. fuck someone.
fall in love. change everything. should i do these things.
again? crash afterwards? again?
and where is that beautiful house and beautiful wife? the kids, the baby?
where did everyone go?

i sit alone .,., hmmm i like it alone. in zen they say to leave nothing behind. like a good bon fire, burn down to a puff...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
eventide:
youre not listening. sorry. but you missed that entirely.
apathy:
fire fires phoenix nothing behind nothing forward
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i dont feel trapped anymore. just lost. like most of you. you? you who? you know what i mean.
day three of the workshop. 3 of 28. jeesus! wow. i have two students here . it is a test for me. that they leave able to do motion tracking , on their own. to have sent them into the world. like ships. like leaves.

its...
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ohsoordinary:
I wish I could answer those questions. Just try to find joy in everything you can. Especially in your students.
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ive just decided,.., pretty sure, to quit this sg. its not that im not interested in suicide , i am. or that a girl would not save my life. she could. its just
that i send 5 comments , or contacts for every one i get back. maybe ten.

hm. most people are a bit shallow, but ok, i expected that. thats people everywhere. and...
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ohsoordinary:
It is often the way of things. I found you quite interesting. So maybe you were just writing for you and me. *wink*
ohsoordinary:
I not angry, just fed up. And its not anything I could talk about in such a public forum.

It will get better.
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day after tomorrow i get to meet my best friend helena. we are going to the city by train to a court to get divorced. oh boy. not the divorce . i dont care about that one way or another (in fact, its good , since i want to ask her to marry me!!!) she may say no this time. thats fine too. i have...
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new year. ok. lets go.
they do that well those frogs ...
sysca uns verwirren

warmer. rain.

id probably be depresed if i didnt have so much interesting work to do
is that good or bad? (think about it...)
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clean temples

the thing about this life is,
as much as i may complain about its solitude
and many other , mostly related things,
there are actually many days
and hours
in which i have remarkable clarity
i dont know exactly how to say it, but, power.
this sense - well more than a sense because it translates into action -
that
i can do...
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ohsoordinary:
I hope that most of all you enjoy this new experience. Thank you so much for the update!
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well, i work pretty hard at this. finding friends. oh, im working too hard? oh, not hard enough? oh, i need to relax? oh. oh well.

i could go into a bar and talk to a stranger. great idea. they would be unfriendy. most people are. some arent. how can you spot them? oh i know, the friendly ones are with other people. their having...
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ok whiner, listen up: you can make these things happen. the new group material, the solo, the viola da gamba piece..,., even operas and tours. this is your gift. actually not that many people _could_ even do this. in the sense of _are able_. the point is you probably will too. so , if you have to hang out alone a few days here and...
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ridley:
That's because my tits are on the internetz... lol
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ok, heres a story ive never told anyone:

i was a senior in high school and i met this girl with short very blonde hair, almost white. i remember she looked like dick tracys girl from the moon. and she told me how she and her friends used to go skinny dipping at the old quary. in long lines, she said. in the moon light....
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