evelduc

I love and adore my family more than anything in life but sometimes I just can't be around them. My entire family is together for x-mas for the first time in many years which is wonderful except for one thing, they are all in pairs. My dad and step-mom, and my two younger brothers and their live-in girlfriends. And then there is me, single and alone. What my family and the rest of the people i know seem to lack an understanding of is that being alone does not equate to loneliness. I can see the looks of sympathy and i hear the whispers about why I can't seem to find a good girl and settle down. It drives me insane because I don't need nor want any sympathy, what I want is my family to act normally and understand that I choose to live a solitary life and wander around simply because I can. I have been in too many suffocating and controlling relationships to ever get trapped in one ever again. I'd much rather be alone forever than get stuck in yet another relationship where i'm not appreciated and where women try to change or control me. I cherish my solitude and my freedom and I do not believe that type of lifestyle is condusive to a relationship so i CHOOSE to be alone. I admit it is lonely from time to time but when I get lonely I just remember that I would have to trade in my lifestyle and freedom and that is a price I am never willing to pay. Yes it's selfish but it's my turn to be selfish. AmI wrong? Honestly i don't give a fuck if i am or not, it works for me and i'm sticking to it. The sooner the people around me accept it the sooner the tension and the pity will end. It sucks because there is no reason for it, no one will ever change me and my family should know by now that i will never fit in anywhere. 10 more days together, don't know if my feeble grip on sanity will last the duration.
On the good side...heap loads of presents for me!!!
I love newport this time of year, all the lights no tourists and downtown is a ghost town x-mas eve. I love wandering around all alone at night and not seeing another soul. I love this town and i would stay here forever if i could rid the island of the infestation of all other bipeds. Ok, maybe a handful of people could stick around but i get to choose. The people here ruin this town, there is so much anger and bitterness emminating from every soul here and it has poisoned mine. But the town is magnificent and unique, maybe someday there can be happiness here.
Well noone reads this so i guess i'm just venting to myself but if someone stumbles upon this...
Happy fat and jolly bastard day!!