esme

Well, the craigslist addiction may have finally paid off. A couple days ago, as has become my habit, I responded to a seemingly too good to be true job posting. This little darling promised a minimum $750 weekly paycheck to painters of modern abstract works. This set off two different bells in my head. The firstding, ding, dingIm a painter of modern abstract works! Pick me, pick me! The secondbzzzzzt$3k plus a month to paint? That means I have to sell you my soul, right?
But what harm does an email do? I pulled up my portfolio (yeah, that one, the one that I still havent gotten around to posting here), picked three of my favorite totally abstract pieces, and dropped them off at the local superhighway on-ramp.
So she writes back, says Im obviously very talented (cheers, thanks, appreciate it), says her favorite piece was the one Id had second thoughts about sending. She tells me about her business, how she sells paintings to interior design firmsthey usually end up in upscale homes and corporate offices. Fair nuf. Says if you can crank out three saleable pieces a week, at 50% gross commission you can expect a very handsome paycheck. She links me to a pic-hosting site to give me an idea of what theyre looking for. Its pretty much what I expectedfake Braque, fake Rothko, fuzzy landscapes. You know, cheesy shit that looks kind of nice but doesnt actually signify anything. But hey, hoif youre gonna put something up in, say, a shrinks waiting room, youd rather it look pretty than question the human condition, right?
So she says, heres what you do. You paint me a picture like those other pictures. You make it this big, you paint it with acrylics (I do not like acrylics. You go upstairs for a cuppa tea and by the time you get back all the paint is dry), you send it to me and we go from there. If its good, you do more; if they sell, you get money.
The thing of it is, theres something niggling in me that says this is a scam. The trouble is I cant for my life figure out what the scam is. My reasons for these involve the following: she doesnt have a dedicated website, just some stuff on the hosting site, which, frankly, could belong to anyone; her email is a hotmail account and the screen name doesnt seem to have any relation to her name or business; and the money just seems too good. But then I figure, well, no website cuts overhead; it takes two seconds to make a new, more relevant hotmail account, so maybe the fact that she uses a cutie-pie screen name just means shes a cutie pie; and just because Ive never sold a painting for $500 doesnt mean it isnt legit.
So I figure, even if I send her the painting and never hear from her again, Im out, what15 bucks for the canvas, 10 to ship it, and a few ounces of paint. Right? Is there something Im not seeing? I mean, theres always the possibility that shell get it, write back and say You have potential, but why dont you pay me $3000 to take this class and then Ill be able to sell your stuff. And I will say no. Okay, then. Im glad youre coming with me. (sorry, slipped into Eddie Izzard mode for a mo there.)
Regardless, Im getting ahead of myself. I havent even sent her the painting yet. I havent even varnished the painting yet (which by the way, I'm putting up in my photos presently, and for the record is nothing like what I would paint in real life, so Im pretty sure its exactly what shes looking for). Who knows, maybe the next time you go to the dentist youll have the pleasure of staring at a claremarie original while you lie in the evil chair.