"If I begin correcting mistakes you speak of according to rules with no relation to me, I will lose my individuality to grammar I have not incorporated. I prefer to create myself as I see fit than to bend my words to rules that don't belong to me." -Pablo Picasso
God has found his way back into my life. He was sneaky about it, a bit ninja-like, riding on the back of a delish boy who just happens to love Jesus. Now, me and Jesus, we don't exactly see eye to eye. We had a falling out some years ago, and I was/am in no small way over-eager to relive the pain He caused me. And yet...
I have this nasty habit of being way too open-minded and convincing myself that the very things that seem to contradict who I am at the core should just maybe be given a chance. So off I go to church. And, low and behold, it was beautiful. It was something...overwhelming to the point that tears were making my mascara run. I held his hand and felt like a fool, a poor, misguided, confused fool.
But I am no fool. I do not accept these things freely, without understanding and questioning. So my queries began. Several times so far, I have hit some major bumps, pretty obvious ones. For example: Homosexuality=sin. Abortion=hell. Feminism=evil. Liberal=unchristian. Those viewpoints are not exactly my cup of tea. I prefer a nice chai: sweet, but with a bit of spice.
So I started doing what it is that I do best in frustrating situations. I argued, I cried, I contemplated. In that order. At first, I think I went a little crazy. I was actually considering the idea that maybe, just maybe, they were right. Then I think God came down with his ninja skills and smacked me in the back of the head to get me to start thinking straight again. Or, rather, thinking gay again.
I've realized that, yes, I have much to learn. But I have also accepted that I will almost definitely never accept the ideas that God cannot love me for who I am. I am a liberal, feminist pansexual who supports abortion rights, Obama, and gay marriage. But because I am all those things doesn't mean I can't clearly understand God's word. I just interpret it a little differently.
Either way, I know God still loves me. I will never be the kind of Christian who loves Jesus at every turn and who can't stop smiling because of God's grace. But I will continue to keep my mind open and to let myself absorb the knowledge being given to me. Something feels right here, and I always go where my heart leads me.
Right now, my heart is telling me that God has some pretty sick ninja skills I could definitely benefit from.
God has found his way back into my life. He was sneaky about it, a bit ninja-like, riding on the back of a delish boy who just happens to love Jesus. Now, me and Jesus, we don't exactly see eye to eye. We had a falling out some years ago, and I was/am in no small way over-eager to relive the pain He caused me. And yet...
I have this nasty habit of being way too open-minded and convincing myself that the very things that seem to contradict who I am at the core should just maybe be given a chance. So off I go to church. And, low and behold, it was beautiful. It was something...overwhelming to the point that tears were making my mascara run. I held his hand and felt like a fool, a poor, misguided, confused fool.
But I am no fool. I do not accept these things freely, without understanding and questioning. So my queries began. Several times so far, I have hit some major bumps, pretty obvious ones. For example: Homosexuality=sin. Abortion=hell. Feminism=evil. Liberal=unchristian. Those viewpoints are not exactly my cup of tea. I prefer a nice chai: sweet, but with a bit of spice.
So I started doing what it is that I do best in frustrating situations. I argued, I cried, I contemplated. In that order. At first, I think I went a little crazy. I was actually considering the idea that maybe, just maybe, they were right. Then I think God came down with his ninja skills and smacked me in the back of the head to get me to start thinking straight again. Or, rather, thinking gay again.
I've realized that, yes, I have much to learn. But I have also accepted that I will almost definitely never accept the ideas that God cannot love me for who I am. I am a liberal, feminist pansexual who supports abortion rights, Obama, and gay marriage. But because I am all those things doesn't mean I can't clearly understand God's word. I just interpret it a little differently.
Either way, I know God still loves me. I will never be the kind of Christian who loves Jesus at every turn and who can't stop smiling because of God's grace. But I will continue to keep my mind open and to let myself absorb the knowledge being given to me. Something feels right here, and I always go where my heart leads me.
Right now, my heart is telling me that God has some pretty sick ninja skills I could definitely benefit from.