i am restless tonight...i feel like i need to write to get some of the stuff inside my head on paper and out of me...but now that i sit here i am not sure what to write or where to start. i just feel lost tonight....like i am not sure what to do with myself. michael was here earlier and he held me on his chest and it felt perfect to just be so close to him and talk about his day...i wish he would come back....he makes me feel found. i feel like i am not content with my life...and i know exactly what i need to do to fix it, but i am so scared and i lack discipline...and that makes me even more frustrated. i know that if i could make myself do what needs to be done i would be happier...i would have a sense of accomplishment for something that has been dragging on for so long. it would make me happier....maybe help me find myself....and once i gain an understanding of myself, of the girl that i have become, i can embrace her and be confident again. this would help me tremendously...it would also help in my relationship....maybe make me less jealous.....hm....thats an issue for another day. today, this, is just for me. 