Well, this has been an interesting week. I started my new job Monday. I knew that the previous manager didn't really know what he was doing but holy shit! I've been with my current employer for almost ten years now, I've reset a few copy departments and this was by far the worst I've ever seen. Nothing was in any kind of order, there were product binders that should have been gotten rid of about six years ago, supplies were just put anywhere and even the placement of the machines made no sense. Of course I started cleaning the place out and not only did the manager and assistant manager (both of whom I worked with for a year when they were in my old store) told me that I had their full support in doing whatever I wanted to get the place up and running again but several of the employees said that as well. Cool. Then Thursday came a long. The old manager is still working in my department part time and Thursday was his first day back since I took over Monday. Within the first ten minutes he was already trying to start a pissing contest with me. He was questioning everything I was doing, talking over me when I tried to explain something and generally being a dick. Friday I had left a job with him. I went in yesterday because I had to get some copier parts from another store and lo and behold the job was sitting right where I left it, apparently he couldn't get the large format color copier to work right so he just left it, didn't leave a note for the person who opened Saturday and apparently didn't bother to call the customer. You know, I'm only going to put up with this bullshit for so long, and the assistant manager knows it. Not only does he know it, but he finds it extremely funny. You see, he knows I'll end up busting this clowns balls, and do it hard. I'm already looking into either writing his ass up formally or sticking him on a register. Either way, he isn't going to fuck things up back there anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how he lasted those two years he was in charge without getting fired.
In other news, I blew a break line when I pulled out of my parking space at the store I got the copier parts from. It shouldn't be that bad fixing it but I will have a tow charge added to the bill. Still it shouldn't run more than two hundred. Yeah, it sucks but it could have been worse, like it going out on me when I was driving home on the highway. All things considered I came off lucky. It also seems that about half of the magic instructional videos that my friend gave me were beta format, which means I'll have to track down a Betamax VCR somewhere so I can get them ripped to DVD, or at least watch them. And since I'm going to be strapped for cash again for about a month or so, I'll have to put rebuilding my ventriloquist dummy for a while. Oh well, I can still work on my magic, which is fine because that is what I was doing anyway. I need to go through everything and catalog it so I know what I have. And last but not least, yes I did rewrite my Adult Friendfinder profile and I put it up this afternoon. For your reading enjoyment I'll post it here:
Just face it, you didn't make the cut.
About Me
Yes, that's right; chances are you are not going to be good enough for me. Just stop crying, you're getting your keyboard wet, besides, blubbering like a two-year-old that didn't get the candy at the check out line is just plain unattractive and you're scaring off all of those guys with low standards you may have a shot with.
I am a confident, optimistic, motivated, perceptive and realistic; pretty much the antithesis of almost everyone else on this site. I don't put up with bullshit, I won't chat online with you, I don't exchange emails for a couple of months first and I don't have cybersex. I'll exchange a few emails with you and then we meet in person and get to know each other. Period. I'm a manager of an in store print shop, I'm a magician and magic historian not to mention that I'm starting a body art business so have a lot on my plate and I just don't have the time to put up with all that nonsense. Also, I don't have sex on the first date, or the second and probably not the third either. If all you want it a quick 'Wham Bam Thank You Sam', move on to the next guy, I hear he's horny, has a short attention span and isn't too choosy; sounds perfect for you. I happen to be one of those bizarre kinds of guys who think that in order to be a 'friend with benefits' you have to be a friend. You know, having a relationship with someone you actually like and at least care about? I want to hang out with you and have fun, you know, out there in the real world. I will take the time to know you, your fantasies, your deepest desires, your fears, and your needs and I expect the same in return. There is no such thing as 'no strings sex' and if there is, I wouldn't want it. The strings are the relationship; the connection with each other and without that, sex is meaningless. If you're looking for 'no strings sex', yes, that's right, you didn't make the cut. I am open to exclusivity but it isn't a requirement. Being exclusive with me is something that is earned. If you do email me, don't bother to send a friend network invitation. Putting you in my friend network I reserve for people I've met and will actually be friends with. You see, I don't run around calling everyone I meet a friend, that title I reserve for those who I have the right chemistry with.
I'm not the 'average' guy; I have ambition, dreams and will drop you faster than you thought possible if you try to play games with me. I am an honest and fair person and don't put up with people who aren't. I am who I am, plain and simple. I also believe you have to be dedicated to what you want in life or else you never will get anywhere. Letting life just pass you by is probably the worst thing that can happen to you. I am also strict about my age and relationship status requirements. I want someone at least reasonably close who isn't married or serious relationship and I will not change my mind. If any of these things bother you or you want someone you can manipulate for your own pleasure, you didn't make the cut. Don't worry; the next guy will be more than happy to be your whiney, insecure lapdog.
My Ideal Person
Well, let's start by who I'm not interested in, which would include morons, gold diggers, game players and attention whores. If you've been referred to as any of these, kindly fuck off, you didn't make the cut.
If you think that passion is only related to sex, you didn't make the cut. I know you like to spend your time watching Gossip Girl and Survivor and flip through Cosmo so you can learn those top 5 sex secrets men want you to know, but seriously, you need to get off your ass. Find something you love to do and do it. Just remember, the following topics do not count; eating, work, TV, makeup, clothing and how much of a bitch that Jennifer is at work. If I've used words that were too big and scary for you to understand, you didn't make the cut. Your reading comprehension and intelligence, like your emotional development needs to have progressed beyond the 6th grade level. There are a couple of things I think are important to know about, one is called 'soap' and the other is called 'water'. If you don't have a personal relationship with them, you didn't make the cut. You may believe in being 'natural', go right ahead but I don't have to be assaulted with by a stench that would make an elephant vomit from a distance of one-hundred yards.
If you're a paying member and you send me a wink instead of emailing me like a grown up, you didn't make the cut. I only tolerate winks from standard members who can't initiate emails with someone. But be warned, if you have the guts to wink at me and your profile consists of only one or two sentences or if your profile reads like it was written by a kindergartener with severe self esteem issues, you didn't make the cut. If you wink at me and you live in California, Washington or someplace outside of a reasonable driving distance, you have the brains of an avocado. While you're at it, if you don't have one on your profile, send me a picture of your face. That's right, your face, I actually want to see who I'm talking to. So you have breasts and a vagina, big deal, so does every other woman on this site. Know this, I am looking for intelligence and personality and if the only thing you have going for you is your looks, please move on to the next guy, I've heard he's just a shallow as you are; you'd be perfect together, providing you didn't scare him off with your blubbering a minute ago. Try dazzling me with your wit and intelligence because shaking your ass like a baboon in heat just isn't doing it.
Those are the conditions to talk to me, take it or leave it. If you leave it, you obviously weren't going to be worth the effort anyway. Don't be too disappointed though, we do have some lovely parting gifts for you however; see Johnny on the way out. He's got a doorknob that'll hit you in the ass on your way out.
In other news, I blew a break line when I pulled out of my parking space at the store I got the copier parts from. It shouldn't be that bad fixing it but I will have a tow charge added to the bill. Still it shouldn't run more than two hundred. Yeah, it sucks but it could have been worse, like it going out on me when I was driving home on the highway. All things considered I came off lucky. It also seems that about half of the magic instructional videos that my friend gave me were beta format, which means I'll have to track down a Betamax VCR somewhere so I can get them ripped to DVD, or at least watch them. And since I'm going to be strapped for cash again for about a month or so, I'll have to put rebuilding my ventriloquist dummy for a while. Oh well, I can still work on my magic, which is fine because that is what I was doing anyway. I need to go through everything and catalog it so I know what I have. And last but not least, yes I did rewrite my Adult Friendfinder profile and I put it up this afternoon. For your reading enjoyment I'll post it here:
Just face it, you didn't make the cut.
About Me
Yes, that's right; chances are you are not going to be good enough for me. Just stop crying, you're getting your keyboard wet, besides, blubbering like a two-year-old that didn't get the candy at the check out line is just plain unattractive and you're scaring off all of those guys with low standards you may have a shot with.
I am a confident, optimistic, motivated, perceptive and realistic; pretty much the antithesis of almost everyone else on this site. I don't put up with bullshit, I won't chat online with you, I don't exchange emails for a couple of months first and I don't have cybersex. I'll exchange a few emails with you and then we meet in person and get to know each other. Period. I'm a manager of an in store print shop, I'm a magician and magic historian not to mention that I'm starting a body art business so have a lot on my plate and I just don't have the time to put up with all that nonsense. Also, I don't have sex on the first date, or the second and probably not the third either. If all you want it a quick 'Wham Bam Thank You Sam', move on to the next guy, I hear he's horny, has a short attention span and isn't too choosy; sounds perfect for you. I happen to be one of those bizarre kinds of guys who think that in order to be a 'friend with benefits' you have to be a friend. You know, having a relationship with someone you actually like and at least care about? I want to hang out with you and have fun, you know, out there in the real world. I will take the time to know you, your fantasies, your deepest desires, your fears, and your needs and I expect the same in return. There is no such thing as 'no strings sex' and if there is, I wouldn't want it. The strings are the relationship; the connection with each other and without that, sex is meaningless. If you're looking for 'no strings sex', yes, that's right, you didn't make the cut. I am open to exclusivity but it isn't a requirement. Being exclusive with me is something that is earned. If you do email me, don't bother to send a friend network invitation. Putting you in my friend network I reserve for people I've met and will actually be friends with. You see, I don't run around calling everyone I meet a friend, that title I reserve for those who I have the right chemistry with.
I'm not the 'average' guy; I have ambition, dreams and will drop you faster than you thought possible if you try to play games with me. I am an honest and fair person and don't put up with people who aren't. I am who I am, plain and simple. I also believe you have to be dedicated to what you want in life or else you never will get anywhere. Letting life just pass you by is probably the worst thing that can happen to you. I am also strict about my age and relationship status requirements. I want someone at least reasonably close who isn't married or serious relationship and I will not change my mind. If any of these things bother you or you want someone you can manipulate for your own pleasure, you didn't make the cut. Don't worry; the next guy will be more than happy to be your whiney, insecure lapdog.
My Ideal Person
Well, let's start by who I'm not interested in, which would include morons, gold diggers, game players and attention whores. If you've been referred to as any of these, kindly fuck off, you didn't make the cut.
If you think that passion is only related to sex, you didn't make the cut. I know you like to spend your time watching Gossip Girl and Survivor and flip through Cosmo so you can learn those top 5 sex secrets men want you to know, but seriously, you need to get off your ass. Find something you love to do and do it. Just remember, the following topics do not count; eating, work, TV, makeup, clothing and how much of a bitch that Jennifer is at work. If I've used words that were too big and scary for you to understand, you didn't make the cut. Your reading comprehension and intelligence, like your emotional development needs to have progressed beyond the 6th grade level. There are a couple of things I think are important to know about, one is called 'soap' and the other is called 'water'. If you don't have a personal relationship with them, you didn't make the cut. You may believe in being 'natural', go right ahead but I don't have to be assaulted with by a stench that would make an elephant vomit from a distance of one-hundred yards.
If you're a paying member and you send me a wink instead of emailing me like a grown up, you didn't make the cut. I only tolerate winks from standard members who can't initiate emails with someone. But be warned, if you have the guts to wink at me and your profile consists of only one or two sentences or if your profile reads like it was written by a kindergartener with severe self esteem issues, you didn't make the cut. If you wink at me and you live in California, Washington or someplace outside of a reasonable driving distance, you have the brains of an avocado. While you're at it, if you don't have one on your profile, send me a picture of your face. That's right, your face, I actually want to see who I'm talking to. So you have breasts and a vagina, big deal, so does every other woman on this site. Know this, I am looking for intelligence and personality and if the only thing you have going for you is your looks, please move on to the next guy, I've heard he's just a shallow as you are; you'd be perfect together, providing you didn't scare him off with your blubbering a minute ago. Try dazzling me with your wit and intelligence because shaking your ass like a baboon in heat just isn't doing it.
Those are the conditions to talk to me, take it or leave it. If you leave it, you obviously weren't going to be worth the effort anyway. Don't be too disappointed though, we do have some lovely parting gifts for you however; see Johnny on the way out. He's got a doorknob that'll hit you in the ass on your way out.