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Arggh! I was going to post this blog on Myspace but I know too many people who read that blog that I don't really need to see this.

Fucking men. I mean, I love men.....sometimes.

I feel there is a general lack of support. I've bitched about my boyfriend to everybody and all over every online network it seems, that I feel embarrassed to get...
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abracadabra:
I usually go with what my gut instinct tells me about a particular situation..relationships are hard to maintain..good luck
johnny:
So sorry to hear all of this, and thanks for sharing it so honestly... I hope you know I support you. As you know, I'm going through the breakup of an almost 15 year relationship, which probably should've ended long ago... As unflattering as it may be to admit, I'd contented and consigned myself to a "perfectly okay" relationship -- not totally unhappy, but not very happy either. Your choice was my choice, and there is no shame in finding our comfort where we can, of settling for less than we need (I mean, who ever said we deserved complete fulfillment anyway?)

Now the choice has been made for me, "she's made up my mind," and I feel like "I'm falling of the face of the earth." I am still struggling with my attachment to her (which I had decided was lifelong), or more properly, my addiction to her. IMHO, our suffering comes from our attachments to people and things -- somehow we convince ourselves that we cannot be happy without this person or another, or without this thing or other. But when I think back, I remember all the times I said "I just can't live without...[fill in the blank]," but that was years ago, and I'm still alive. Proof positive that I will survive (whether I really care to or not is the issue).

Your b/f's posessiveness about having coffee with other guys seems more like attachment than love to me as well. I, too, avoid confrontation, I took a vow of non-violence when I was quite young (physical abuse and all that), so I hung on and hoped. But now, even though I can't stop sobbing, I know she did me a favor. My main concern is whether she's doing herself any favors -- ironically, my ex-g/f's main (admitted) reason for breaking up is that I have too strong a personality -- LOL! I know there are so many other reasons behind this, but she just can't see it (yet). I'm still thinking it over, but I'm thinking it's over. Give it a proper mourning period, and return to the land of the living (easier said than done).

But...this is not about my relationship, but yours. I'd love to have coffee sometime (the only problem is not your b/f's feelings, but that we've got an entire country between us) and talk things over. The next best thing is to write or email or IM or whatever whenever you'd like. In any event, please keep us posted. I'll be wishing you well. You are where you find yourself for a reason, you're feeling what you are for a reason, and only you can decide when where and what is best for you. Sit with your feelings, watch them, listen to them. Decide when you're ready -- you'll know when. Some of us will be here to support you.
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I shot the most bad-ass set ever with Reina over the weekend, and a totally cushy, sexy set with KatieRose. Hope both of these make it on the site. I'm just a little afraid for the rejectoin notice about the Reina set because we kind of did it off the cuff but had a rather elaborate theme concecpt which wasn't planned for on my part...
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charlielove:
hmm maybe cut her out of the one picture with the chair and paste it on the other picture? you can put it together! that set is too cool for rejection.
brocklee:
awesome photography!!! ..i dig your style
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I feel like I'm begining to get to an age where... I don't really know what it is, but I don't give a shit about it all anymore (it all being expectations, rules, the real world, garnering approval). I'm suddenly unconcerned--this is a great breakthrough for me. It is an awakening of self. A coming of age and a reconciliation with all aspects of the...
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katierose:
so I dunno if you got my message (it was late) but what do you think about "dirty martini" for a name...
hope all is well! kiss
charlielove:
well, hello.
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Hey folks, I'm back after a few months of my account going inactive! Hope everybody's been well.
In other news keep your eyes out for my first set up on the site, Hera's "Heart's Filthy Lesson." I expect it to go live this week. And after that I have a set for Wallace that should appear shortly. Please message me if you are interested in...
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lavonne:
Thanks! Do you mean the one in my pics folders? There were a few good shots from it, but most of it sucked.
johnny:
w/b. congrats on your set going up. and named after one of my fave songs no less (esp. the renzor remix). did you see the reality tour? hope this finds you well.
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
song:
Dear Queen,
Where art thou ? whatever
paleenchantress:
BEAUTIFUL pictures !
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ericdravyn:
The photos are very beautiful... didn't even notice the background.
Keep it up; we're all looking forward to more...

love ARRR!!!
ericdravyn:
Miss Edmark,

I saw your journal entry on the hookup page (you only had two photos up at that point), and I was very impressed by the "shitty set" you "just threw together".
Very nice work; very beautiful photographs.

What are you planning for future shoots?

love ARRR!!!
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marvins:
those photos are awesome.
Image quality isnt everything.
On about 75% of the photos i take, i change the image quality. (making it worse).

that purple one is freaky.

your not the only photoshop nerd. wink
h_man:
the top one is my favorite - but they're all equally beautiful.