dysphunkcional

if ur in a good mood dont read this cuz i juss needed a place to vent because i dont really have anyone to talk to... well none of them knew wut to say either so yah.... its juss my thoughts of this current moment.... read it if u want if not thats fine too.... sorry i took so long to update this guys. sorry. and sorry i dont have anything better or cheerful to say. later

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i hate my life

if its not one thing its the next.

looks like i may be moving back home with my mom. because my "fiance" doesnt know wut he wants rite now.

sorry i havent updated anything in a while... ive been kinda preoccupied with trying to work things out.

he doesnt know if he wants to work things out.

i told him a few months ago that i was tired of having to keep quiet when he makes me mad and hurts my feelings because i was afraid of saying something hurtful that i wouldnt really mean later on...... he does it alot to me so i didnt see it as fair that i had to spare his feelings when he always walked on mine when he frustrated or mad with me....

well about a month ago he said he doesnt even know why hes with me (which hurt just about as much as now) and recently i told him he made me feel like moving out because he is so mean to me sometimes and so now he doesnt know if he wants me here anymore.

i dont get it cuz if i was nice for about 10 months and juss didnt say all the means things i felt like saying when we fought then how come its so hard for him to do the same thing. am i asking too much?

all i want is to be loved and to be treated with a mutual respect... thats all. i dont care about my car ill sell it and go back to riding a bike. oh well. we can trade the envoy in for a hoopty i dont care.

all i care about it him and i think i dont even have that anymore. now i have nothing.

i feel like any kind of death has to be so much better than the way i feel rite now.

i havent eaten since lunch yesterday and im not even hungry either.

we had plans to get married and now he doesnt know wut he wants... we have a house and a dog and two cars. all we are missing are the 2.5 kids. and now he doesnt know. he wants to take a break to figure it out.

i dont think my heart can handle being away for him to figure it out and then juss come back and pick up where we left off. i dont think i could do it. if i leave va, im not coming back. not for anything.

i came to this rancid place to be with him-- because i love him and thats why im still here because i love him. i guess thats not enough sometimes.... i dunno....

this really isnt my couple of months is it.... geeez....