I started writing this posting on the discussion boards, but it began to turn into a VERY long spiel about my own experiences and ideas and I decided to put it in my journal instead. I suppose I've been redefining and exploring my sexual outlook a little lately and this touched off some introspection.
I have always had the thought that it is a totally possible and positive thing to share love and intimacy with more than one person. I think that everyone should do that. I also think that it *should* be a totally possible and positive thing for me to share *physical* love and intimacy with more than one person. I have had both good and bad experiences on that score and I intend to ramble on at great length about a couple of them right now
1. (the bad one) A long time ago my first fiancee and I had a lovely relationship... then we had some tough times and worked through them. Then when I moved across the country for 4 months I ended up suggesting that we might try being open to being with other people while we were on opposite sides of the country. We set ground rules that weren't exactly balanced: I said she could do anything up to intercourse without asking me first, she said I could do anything "outside of the underwear". She ended up spending time with a dear friend of mine, which I was fine with. She asked to sleep with him almost immediately, which I was fine with. She described the details, including some S&M that I hadn't been as good at and describing how he nearly sent her unconscious with his fantastic pierced tongue, which I had some trepidation about hearing...and I mentioned that...but was sort of okay with it. And then she decided to break up with me and date him instead, which I was hurt and crushed by. I think it had something to do with the lurking disturbances caused by our previous troubles and the long distance and she just wanted to move on anyway. I believe completely that it was the weaknesses of the relationship that made it fall apart, not being with other people. It is true though that this may be the most difficult kind of open relationship to handle and requires more faith, strength and trust than others do.
(BTW: I am still very good friends with the lad in question although he no longer speaks with her much. She insisted I never speak to her again five years ago when this happened, but recently contacted me, apologized and we've been having interesting chats since then)
(turning into a the great Canadian novel, isn't it. If you haven't nodded off yet then read on)
2. (a pretty good one) Me and my then laday-love went to a "lifestyle" club called Paradise Ranch outside Vancouver, BC. We are both very sexual people and she has been curious about women and we were both curious about "the lifestyle" so we decided to go try it. We went to their big ranch house with several common sitting around rooms, a pool and a hot tub, a few private bedrooms, two less private frolic rooms with foam mattresses covering the floor, and a glass windowed room with a dancing pole set up in the centre. Mostly it was only a few women who danced on the pole, but they said it was open to all, so I gave it a try. It was fun, my girlfriend loved it and I got a lot of encouragement from the other women. There were lots of couples of different ages. We hooked up with a couple around our age and had side by side sex each with our own partners while we reached over and caressed each other. Then a made love to my girlfriend and kissed the other woman while my girlfriend was giving her head. that was a fun and interesting sexual experience that we did not decide to repeat. We both enjoyed it, however.
3. (a lovely one) I have been attracted to and fascinated by this lovely woman I know from clubs and parties. I like her and her husband both quite a bit. They are interesting people and we have been friends for a while. They are self-identified as "poly" and they have had sex with a few other people mostly together, but occasionally apart, in the past few years. Recently at a club one night a was shamelessly seduced (all right, I admit that I initiated some of the seduction). They came back to my place and we looked at some Burning Man pictures and then the lovely woman and I began to flirt and kiss a bit. Her husband was watching us quietly, and before we had gone very far, she said that she had to discuss things with her husband since they had not already discussed it. They had a short conversation about it with me present (although I offered to give them privacy). He said that he was just fine with it, and that he liked me and I wasn't "creepy." He is bi so we also discussed whether he and I would be intimate with each other too, and I expressed that I would be open to the idea if it came about that way, but was not heart set on it. Instead he and I worked together to please his lovely wife as best we could for a while and then she asked me to get a condom and make love to her, which I did while her husband watched. Then I lay against the side of the bed (lucky its a pair of twins turned into a king) and watch him make love to her in the familiar, loving way of two people who know each other very, very well. It was beautiful to see. Then we all snuggled, talked until the wee hours and then went to sleep and had breakfast the next day. We have not repeated this yet, but we very well might in the future.
(Continued in the next Journal entry...)
I have always had the thought that it is a totally possible and positive thing to share love and intimacy with more than one person. I think that everyone should do that. I also think that it *should* be a totally possible and positive thing for me to share *physical* love and intimacy with more than one person. I have had both good and bad experiences on that score and I intend to ramble on at great length about a couple of them right now
1. (the bad one) A long time ago my first fiancee and I had a lovely relationship... then we had some tough times and worked through them. Then when I moved across the country for 4 months I ended up suggesting that we might try being open to being with other people while we were on opposite sides of the country. We set ground rules that weren't exactly balanced: I said she could do anything up to intercourse without asking me first, she said I could do anything "outside of the underwear". She ended up spending time with a dear friend of mine, which I was fine with. She asked to sleep with him almost immediately, which I was fine with. She described the details, including some S&M that I hadn't been as good at and describing how he nearly sent her unconscious with his fantastic pierced tongue, which I had some trepidation about hearing...and I mentioned that...but was sort of okay with it. And then she decided to break up with me and date him instead, which I was hurt and crushed by. I think it had something to do with the lurking disturbances caused by our previous troubles and the long distance and she just wanted to move on anyway. I believe completely that it was the weaknesses of the relationship that made it fall apart, not being with other people. It is true though that this may be the most difficult kind of open relationship to handle and requires more faith, strength and trust than others do.
(BTW: I am still very good friends with the lad in question although he no longer speaks with her much. She insisted I never speak to her again five years ago when this happened, but recently contacted me, apologized and we've been having interesting chats since then)
(turning into a the great Canadian novel, isn't it. If you haven't nodded off yet then read on)
2. (a pretty good one) Me and my then laday-love went to a "lifestyle" club called Paradise Ranch outside Vancouver, BC. We are both very sexual people and she has been curious about women and we were both curious about "the lifestyle" so we decided to go try it. We went to their big ranch house with several common sitting around rooms, a pool and a hot tub, a few private bedrooms, two less private frolic rooms with foam mattresses covering the floor, and a glass windowed room with a dancing pole set up in the centre. Mostly it was only a few women who danced on the pole, but they said it was open to all, so I gave it a try. It was fun, my girlfriend loved it and I got a lot of encouragement from the other women. There were lots of couples of different ages. We hooked up with a couple around our age and had side by side sex each with our own partners while we reached over and caressed each other. Then a made love to my girlfriend and kissed the other woman while my girlfriend was giving her head. that was a fun and interesting sexual experience that we did not decide to repeat. We both enjoyed it, however.
3. (a lovely one) I have been attracted to and fascinated by this lovely woman I know from clubs and parties. I like her and her husband both quite a bit. They are interesting people and we have been friends for a while. They are self-identified as "poly" and they have had sex with a few other people mostly together, but occasionally apart, in the past few years. Recently at a club one night a was shamelessly seduced (all right, I admit that I initiated some of the seduction). They came back to my place and we looked at some Burning Man pictures and then the lovely woman and I began to flirt and kiss a bit. Her husband was watching us quietly, and before we had gone very far, she said that she had to discuss things with her husband since they had not already discussed it. They had a short conversation about it with me present (although I offered to give them privacy). He said that he was just fine with it, and that he liked me and I wasn't "creepy." He is bi so we also discussed whether he and I would be intimate with each other too, and I expressed that I would be open to the idea if it came about that way, but was not heart set on it. Instead he and I worked together to please his lovely wife as best we could for a while and then she asked me to get a condom and make love to her, which I did while her husband watched. Then I lay against the side of the bed (lucky its a pair of twins turned into a king) and watch him make love to her in the familiar, loving way of two people who know each other very, very well. It was beautiful to see. Then we all snuggled, talked until the wee hours and then went to sleep and had breakfast the next day. We have not repeated this yet, but we very well might in the future.
(Continued in the next Journal entry...)