What the hell is the point...
I'm thirty-seven, make a comparatively decent income, am not (I hope) horrific to look at, intellectual, off-beat, open-minded, contemplative, a good listener, balanced, blah, blah, blah...
And I'm alone. Utterly, totally, alone. Nobody to spend time with. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to hear. Nobody to listen.
I go to work. I get along. I pretend to smile. I try to engage, but it's hollow - I never connect. No new friends there. I go places, but I don't meet people. I guess I don't know how.
My friends... I think they're my friends... They mostly don't call. I call them but they don't reply - busy with their own complicated lives, and I don't want to impose. I want to talk to them, to anyone, but they're busy with their existance, and I'm just me - not high on the priority list. That's what I tell myself, anyway, since the alternative is so much worse...
I don't like being alone. It's hard - nobody to talk about my successes with, nobody to tell me it's OK when something doesn't work out. Nobody to trust. Nobody to love. Nobody at all.
The people I call friends are too busy with their lives. No time for mine, and I understand that. But I wish they could spare a few minutes. So often I wonder if I'm nothing more than an afterthought.
I always believed that being a good person was the right thing to do. I helped the people around me when I could, and when I couldn't afford it I put myslef in debt to help out those I cared for. What little I had to offer I gave freely.
But trying to be a good person does not lead to a good life, I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I have done right, and then look at the empty rooms around me an know that that it made no diffference, All I have to show for my compassion is a depleated bank balance and a handful of folks who can say "Thanks, sucker".
Let's be honest - For twenty-five years all I've wanted out of life is to find a partner to share it with - to have kids and give them the sort of life I never got the chance to have, To be able to say "I love you" and mean it.
I haven't been able to find anyone on my own - at least nobody who's still alive. I hoped my friends would help...
Didn't happen.
So here I am, and I have no idea how to fix my life.
Sucks to be me.
- D -
I'm thirty-seven, make a comparatively decent income, am not (I hope) horrific to look at, intellectual, off-beat, open-minded, contemplative, a good listener, balanced, blah, blah, blah...
And I'm alone. Utterly, totally, alone. Nobody to spend time with. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to hear. Nobody to listen.
I go to work. I get along. I pretend to smile. I try to engage, but it's hollow - I never connect. No new friends there. I go places, but I don't meet people. I guess I don't know how.
My friends... I think they're my friends... They mostly don't call. I call them but they don't reply - busy with their own complicated lives, and I don't want to impose. I want to talk to them, to anyone, but they're busy with their existance, and I'm just me - not high on the priority list. That's what I tell myself, anyway, since the alternative is so much worse...
I don't like being alone. It's hard - nobody to talk about my successes with, nobody to tell me it's OK when something doesn't work out. Nobody to trust. Nobody to love. Nobody at all.
The people I call friends are too busy with their lives. No time for mine, and I understand that. But I wish they could spare a few minutes. So often I wonder if I'm nothing more than an afterthought.
I always believed that being a good person was the right thing to do. I helped the people around me when I could, and when I couldn't afford it I put myslef in debt to help out those I cared for. What little I had to offer I gave freely.
But trying to be a good person does not lead to a good life, I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I have done right, and then look at the empty rooms around me an know that that it made no diffference, All I have to show for my compassion is a depleated bank balance and a handful of folks who can say "Thanks, sucker".
Let's be honest - For twenty-five years all I've wanted out of life is to find a partner to share it with - to have kids and give them the sort of life I never got the chance to have, To be able to say "I love you" and mean it.
I haven't been able to find anyone on my own - at least nobody who's still alive. I hoped my friends would help...
Didn't happen.
So here I am, and I have no idea how to fix my life.
Sucks to be me.
- D -
