doctashock

So I've been on this string of Wednesday updates. I can't promise this will be a regular thing, but what the hell. I might as well go with it for now.

So I'm supposed to be writing about women here, as I promised. I had a nice philosophical discussion with one of my coworkers earlier this week that put a lot of things into perspective for me. So this is really more about me than anything else. It was pointed out to me that I've kinda gone into stealth mode lately. I get all interested in a girl and then something happens to make me retreat. I don't necessarily avoid them, but I quit the active pursuit.

Now it's acknowledged that my reasoning for backing off is usually legitimate, but it's a pattern where the only common denominator is me. Part of it has to do with my uncanny ability to relate to what Akira said here. Another part of it has to do with me being "gifted".

As a female interested in an interpersonal relationship, it's really easy to get my attention. I really dig a girl who knows what she wants and I hate playing games. Playing coy or hard to get can be cute and fun, but only after I know I'm playing a game I have a chance at winning. I dont like being annoying and I don't like being teased for too long. So when I start catching signals I tend to look into it.

But here is where it gets convoluted. As some of you know, have experienced, and/or witnessed I have this really powerful ability for empathy. Because of this I relate to people on levels that they moy or may not have experienced with other people. I could go on and on about this, but until you see it you probably won't know wwhat I'm talking about. This isn't a totaly concieted self proclimation here. It's something that's been pointed out to me many times over.

So as you can imagine this ability for empathizing with people, both male and female... tends to attract certain types of people both male and female rather strongly. In the case of females a lot of times this leads to a natural progression, and by the time I realize all of the issues I'm dealing with, I've already invested myself on some level that's hard to tear away from. Hence the mid exploration retreats on my part. Usually this happens early enough where we all walk out virtually unscathed, but in the end it leads to me spending a lot of time by myself. Unfortunately I haven't learned to turn this thing on and off. Maybe if I had someone to focus all of my attention on in the first place I'd be able to minimize how much I spread myself out to other people.

Anyway... I got called on it, and I actually appreciatethe self realization that came as a result.

Now let's talk about the opposite end of the scale with me:

Excuse me miss, I hate to come on strong,
But I've been waiting a long time and you've been taking too long
-Atmosphere

When I do find someone that I think I really like, I tend to overdo it. It's rather rare that I find someone I can let myself fall for with no reservations, that when I do I tend to have a hard time playing it cool. I've scared off more than a few really awesome girls because of this. Desperation really does reak. But I'm really pretty tired of being alone. Not that I can't, I have been for a long time and I'm used to it, but why should I have to be.

I put off getting involved for a long time because there was a lot about myself that I had to get straightened out. I felt like until I got my shit straight it'd be really unfair for me to try to maintain a relationship with someone when I really ddn't have much to offer. I tend to think I'm a good guy, but just being around and having sex does not a relationship make. Not that there's anything wrong with that, or that I'm opposed, but I personally would prefer something more. I'd hate to miss my opportunity with Mrs. Right because I'm having fun with Miss Right Now. Maybe I need to get over that and just start getting laid more often.


So now you might ask... what constitutes Mrs. Right for me? Let's paint a picture.

First and foremost the most important thing for me in a woman is her mind. Intelligence goes a long way for someone like me, but in reality she wouldn't even have to be all that smart as much as a deep thinker. I need someone I'm able to get esoteric with or else I'm gonna be unfulfilled on multiple levels. An open mind is also very key.

I'd like someone with goals. They don't have to be overly ambitious, but I need someone ywho knows what they want out of life, or at least is working hard to try and figure it out. She also has to be someone who is active in pursuing those goals. Not ythat she has to have it all figured out, but someone with aspirations and a purpose in life is really attractive to me. And it also lets me know that I'm a wanted commodity and not a necessary crutch in her life.

Other than those key points I think I'm pretty flexible. Similar interests help a lot and aa girl who can talk about music or film for hours on end can turn me into a lapdog immediately. Physically my tastes are so broad I'd almost say it's a non-factor, but it does help a lot. Sometimes you don't start to see physical beauty in someone until you get to know them better. I've definitely experienced that.

I tend to fall hard for glamourous girls with lots of style. Just more evidence that opposites attract I guess. Not to sound pretentious or anything, but I was walking down Melrose the other day and while I myself don't like to "shop" unless I know what I'm looking for, I realized how fun it would be for me to just take my girl out there give her half a grand and let her run wild. I'd actually get a kick out of doing that for the right person. Someone who I didn't need to do it to impress, but enjoy it just the same. Someone who I knew would love me regardless.

I don't know. I think I have a lot of love to gicve right now, but nobody to give it to. Maybe I need to buy a pet. We do have a dog in the house, but he doesn't count because he hates everyone except for my one roomate. I'm running out of things to say, so I guess this rant is pretty much over. Commentary is appreciated.