disasterbunny

I hate my ex. I hate him so much. I wish I didn't still love him. I feel like he ruined men for me. I mean, I'm still into dudes, but its just that in a lot of ways, no one will ever compare. But at the same time, no one will put me through the same bullshit drama he did either. I'm feeling so bitter right now. I feel like he stole the best years of my life and led me on with promises of marriage and children. Thank God, I guess. Now I have a new bf, and still no children. It's just such an awkward place to be. My new man doesn't love me yet, and maybe never will. I gave up love for uncertainty. I ask myself if I'm happier. Yes and no. I had this secure feeling with Noah. I knew he found me absolutely beautiful, and that is pretty much the only confidence I have ever known. I know he loved me. But he also made me miserable. Sometimes Luke will tell me that I'm beautiful. Dating Luke right now is almost the same as being single, except that he lets me sleep over. Also I'm getting laid less, because he works a lot, but at least I'm not being promiscuous. So much is unclear in my life right now. I want to fantasize about romance, but its just not in the stars for me. I miss hearing "I love you." But I obviously need to love myself first.