Second Presidential Debate: Clinton Grabs Trump by the Pussy
October 10th marked the second presidential debate for the 2016 election, and a record number of grabbed pussies by a former US Senate member. Much like the previous debate, Democratic nominee Hillary Rodham Clinton seemed to keep her cool as her opponent, the orange-haired man-child Donald Trump babbled on incoherently, and often off-topic.
Trump's campaign recently came under fire as an 11 year old video recording of Trump and Billy Bush surfaced. The recording was of the oblivious Republicans womanizing and shit-talking, as only ugly rich white people with no personal skills can. The video culminated in Trump announcing that as a rich white man, he could simply walk up to any woman he wanted to and "grab them by the pussy."
Unfortunately for the baboon-sired billionaire presidential candidate, Clinton was dragging Trump around by the he-pussy all night.
Of the dozen questions asked by debate moderators Anderson Cooper and Martha Raddatz, Clinton verbally grabbed Trump's he-pussy eight times, and physically once. Most notable among the pulling of Donald's clitoral ligament was on the topic of carried interest in taxation. After being interrupted for at least the fifteenth time, Hillary left her podium, walked up to Trump, and grabbed him by the he-clit while slapping him in the face, leaving him a brighter shade of orange.
All the while she shouted, "Just... stop... opening your fat, stupid, orange face... you racist, misogynistic, cunty, shit-lipped, fuck-face!"
Once she realized where she was, a red-faced Clinton paused, released her kung-fu grip on Donald's swollen man-gina, and returned to her podium, where she straightened herself out and began giving her spiel on tax reform.
Fortunately for the business mogul Trump, when he inevitably loses the presidential race, dozens of companies are already lined up with marketing gimmicks to use his now famous "grab
them by the pussy" line. Shoe and sport wear mega-company Nike already wants to change their logo to "Just do it - Grab life by the pussy." Famous "liquid panty dropper" Southern Comfort has talked about making a new slogan that says "Maybe you grabbed her by the pussy. Maybe you didn't - Southern Comfort." Even chewing gum company Wrigley is considering changing their Five Gum line's motto to "This is what it's like to chew Five Gum while grabbing a woman by the pussy."
Even if these business ventures don't pan out for the orange-faced philanderer, he can always go back to pornography. Yeah, we know that was you in the Zorro mask, Donald. You're not fooling anyone.
In Other News:
Actress and sometimes Jay Leno look-alike Tori Spelling announced the imminent arrival of yet another spawn in her brood. The fifth offspring, in a planned nine, is reported to crawl forth from the once-mildly attractive star's desiccated uterus sometime in early June. Matched with her other brood Ix'thal (9), Et'hex-itl (8), Xor-em (6), and Orm-I'gul (4), her latest addition may very well prove once and for all that a vagina really is a Stargate.