Darren Bouseman Paves the Way for New “Experiences”
Saw franchise director Darren Bouseman has created a new interactive horror experience that potentially paves the way for similar future exhibits. Debuting September 8th of this year, The Tension Experience: Ascension boldly places groups of people in a terrifying experience the likes of which could previously only be experienced by Hollywood actors and actual victims of horrifying crimes.
“You will shit yourself,” exclaims Bouseman. “Then we’ll make you eat that shit and our shit. Then you’ll shit out that shit which is made up of our shit that we made you eat. It’s THAT scary.”
Bouseman explained that the interactive “show” is broken down into several rooms (24 in total), and that each person’s experience will be different; something of a “choose your own adventure” story. One person might be forced into awkward situations, be stripped naked (save for a bag over their head) and paraded around via dog leash through crowds of ornery onlookers slinging boiled pasta at them. Another person may experience the terror of applying for a job that they’re simply not qualified for, and every poorly worded answer will earn them an hour of forced anal sex, followed by having their mouth spit into.
“It’s not horror in the sense of a shitty Halloween movie,” says Bouseman. “It’s the terror of awkward everyday situations with the possibility of violent anal sex.”
The reviews from the preliminary private showings have all been positive, which has led other producers to try and follow in the footsteps of Bouseman. Disney has already thrown around several ideas aimed at younger crowds to include interactive Beauty and the Beast, where hideously misshapen boys can live out their fantasy of being loved by an attractive woman, and an Aladdin experience, which grants you three wishes from an androgynous genie. Disney believes its biggest hit will be The Peter Pan Experience¸ where young boys and girls will pretend to save their friends while flying around as an eternally young, effeminate homosexual.
J.J. Abrams has also expressed interest in this new form of interactive entertainment, and plans on revitalizing his ground-breaking Lost television show with The Lost Experience. The Lost Experience will crash an airplane full of paying customers on a mystical island and pit the “survivors” (i.e. randomly chosen customers to progress through the “story”) against time-lost incarnations of pure darkness and World War I rifle wielding locals claiming to be part of the DHARMA Initiative. Fans of the show will get to relive the experiences of their favorite characters, or be cast as an unseen extra – you know, that guy that always shows up when one of the more important characters returns to hug them, and then goes about his business, shucking husks off coconuts, or whatever the fuck he was doing.
The adult entertainment business already has its claws in the up-and-coming form of media with interactive experiences lined up to release late in the winter. Already, many are lining up to purchase passes for several of the experiences. The most popular among them are: Blinding Bukkake: A Cumshot Odyssey, which is pretty self-explanatory, Ron Jeremy’s Hedgehog Romance, which is an interactive tale of sex with fat, hairy, porcupine-cocked men, and A Day in the Life of Chasey Lain’s Vagina, where the customer is penetrated repeatedly by several hundred odd-shaped cocks for hours on end.
Tickets for The Tension Experience: Ascension are on sale now, and are expected to sell like hot cakes.
In Other News:
An 84 year old woman was pepper sprayed in Muskogee, Oklahoma, after harboring her fugitive grandson. When police busted the door down to the man’s home, his grandmother came out and flashed her weathered, wrinkly old tits at the officers.
“They looked like a couple of week-old fried eggs hanging from rusty nails,” gagged Jim Halliwax, the officer who subdued the elderly woman.
When officers counted down from 10 (three times, because the old bat forgot her hearing aids), they opened fire with non-lethal pepper spray. Investigation of the matter and all of the facts is ongoing.