today i'm on my own again. technically i have been for quite awhile. i push people away so much, always counting on them to be around when my mood shifts. i take everything for granted.
so today i'm without a friend. i'm without a lover, i'm without my worst enemy, i'm without order to my chaos and our occasional switching of the roles. and i wanted it this way, didn't i? that's how i pushed...that's how i hid. but then i could always just crawl out from my hole to see the light again before retreating again.
oh well.
i FINALLY got ALL 8 of my tongue rings back in. i had to repierce the back two...by shoving the metal through it forcefully, for a few minutes each.
my tongue is sore.
and here's my repulsive body. i'm trying to gain weight, but i can't get past the mental block of my body dysmorphia...i'm looking a bit flabbier than that, and i reflexively become bulemic again. ugh. it's terrible. and therapy didn't help at all.
i FINALLY reach a weight/look that doesn't make me hate myself as much, and apparently i'm appalling to look at. fuck.
port-royal is amazing band that none of you will listen to. but here it is. it's what's on my mind right now.
so today i'm without a friend. i'm without a lover, i'm without my worst enemy, i'm without order to my chaos and our occasional switching of the roles. and i wanted it this way, didn't i? that's how i pushed...that's how i hid. but then i could always just crawl out from my hole to see the light again before retreating again.
oh well.
i FINALLY got ALL 8 of my tongue rings back in. i had to repierce the back two...by shoving the metal through it forcefully, for a few minutes each.
my tongue is sore.
and here's my repulsive body. i'm trying to gain weight, but i can't get past the mental block of my body dysmorphia...i'm looking a bit flabbier than that, and i reflexively become bulemic again. ugh. it's terrible. and therapy didn't help at all.
i FINALLY reach a weight/look that doesn't make me hate myself as much, and apparently i'm appalling to look at. fuck.
port-royal is amazing band that none of you will listen to. but here it is. it's what's on my mind right now.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
missknox:
lol well unfortunately i have this disposition were awkwardness catches my attention more then most things
lucine:
Oh hun Please you need to love yourself...you seem like such a great person to be so sad and unhappy with themselves I hope you find your way soon love.