desdenova

Dear Seattle,

Part one:
Its not you, its me. Isnt that how these things usually start? I feel that that would be an unnecessary sacrifice of emotion to spare your feelings and I believe that our relationship deserves more honesty. To tell the truth, fault lies with both of us. It lies in my inability to act as my own catalyst for change. It lies in your refusal to offer me an incentive to become one. It lies in the memories Ive created here and your insistence on reminding me of them. It lies in the fact that I feel stagnant here. The fault lies with me being a broke, deadbeat loser. I need a change of scenery to force me to become the opposite of that. I no longer have enough faith in myself to believe I can do it on my own while Im here with you.

I wont lie. Theres someone else. Perhaps youve even heard of her? They call her the City of Angels. This is just a fling, though. She could never mean as much to me as you do. I just need a change. I will be with her for a few months, most likely, and then I will tire of her. Shes a lovely city but I just dont think shes the one for me. By the same token, you dont feel like the one for me right now, either.

I need time; time and space. I hope they bring with them some sense of direction. I need to feel like Im not just wasting time and talent.

You know very well that I could never leave you for long. You contain my favorite people and my favorite places. Your climate is one that I could live in for the rest of my life and never care about what I was missing elsewhere. Your rains and dreary skies used to inspire me. I miss those days, and I need to leave so I can come back and rediscover them. This timing is maddening. After so many years spent in misanthropy and a self imposed, semi-hermit lifestyle Im starting to discover people whose company I really enjoy. People that make me think that being social isnt a bad idea at all. People that I would like to eventually call close friends. Too bad the ennui interrupted all that.

Part two:

I wrote part one months ago. While a lot of it is still valid, I think you deserve a more accurate interpretation of how I see things now. I love you. Ive been rediscovering just how true that is lately. Yet I have to leave. There are people and opportunities waiting for me that I cant pass up. I want to stay. But the need for change remains. I will come back to you, possibly before you even have a chance to miss me. I will return, bringing with me memories and experiences (and who knows what else) that I will share with you. Youve begun to inspire me again, Seattle, and I hate to leave that. The act of leaving has made me appreciate you more; I wont forget that when it comes time to return...

This isnt goodbye, Seattle.
Fondly, I bid you adieu,
Scott Desdenova