here's my day: fucked up morning. realization that sg caused the fucked up morning. decision made to give up account. go out. see fractal on state street. wearing the boots from her set. miss sg already. come home and see if anybody commented on decision to give up sg. im terrible at quitting. *goes and smokes cigarette* what, me?? the posessor of an addictive personality?? pshhh...never...
the reason that i think that this site is bad for me is actually why i know it's so good. this morning i got up early & got actually really emotional about some of the CE stuff and really got into my own thoughts about political affairs. the boy wakes up and turns the tv on in the bedroom and about a 1/2 later i hear him giggling uncontrollably. normally this would make me smile. today it filled me with a frighteningly inexplicable anger. i was mad at him for laughing when there is a war going on. i was mad at him for not knowing about the art and politics and literature that people on the site know. i was mad that i don't have RL friends that care about the world that i care about. being a writer i have alienated so many people & almost lost the boy so many times because i am angry that nobody else lives in my tormented world. i wrote a story when i was eight about how nothing really matters because someday the sun will die and then there will be no more life in the universe. i wrote it as a response to a shakespeare sonnet that touted the written word as the defeater of time & death. needless to say there were not other 8 year olds that i could relate to. it has been this way my entire life. i am constantly suffocated by the the webs of tangled words and images that cloak my mind and deafen my ears with thier cacophonous symphony. i cry & laugh & live & die in a world that i create involuntarily. its the heart that beats in my chest & i can't will it to stop.
this site provokes my thought too much. i am all the day worried about politics & my shakespeare group & whatever else. its one more thing that is not real, just words on a screen & the last thing that i need is another world to add to my other world that steals me from the real world. i have never been alone & always been lonely. i need the tangible world. but do i need
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more than reality? and there is always that persistant attraction to the 
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the reason that i think that this site is bad for me is actually why i know it's so good. this morning i got up early & got actually really emotional about some of the CE stuff and really got into my own thoughts about political affairs. the boy wakes up and turns the tv on in the bedroom and about a 1/2 later i hear him giggling uncontrollably. normally this would make me smile. today it filled me with a frighteningly inexplicable anger. i was mad at him for laughing when there is a war going on. i was mad at him for not knowing about the art and politics and literature that people on the site know. i was mad that i don't have RL friends that care about the world that i care about. being a writer i have alienated so many people & almost lost the boy so many times because i am angry that nobody else lives in my tormented world. i wrote a story when i was eight about how nothing really matters because someday the sun will die and then there will be no more life in the universe. i wrote it as a response to a shakespeare sonnet that touted the written word as the defeater of time & death. needless to say there were not other 8 year olds that i could relate to. it has been this way my entire life. i am constantly suffocated by the the webs of tangled words and images that cloak my mind and deafen my ears with thier cacophonous symphony. i cry & laugh & live & die in a world that i create involuntarily. its the heart that beats in my chest & i can't will it to stop.
this site provokes my thought too much. i am all the day worried about politics & my shakespeare group & whatever else. its one more thing that is not real, just words on a screen & the last thing that i need is another world to add to my other world that steals me from the real world. i have never been alone & always been lonely. i need the tangible world. but do i need
& & more than reality? and there is always that persistant attraction to the ...VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
thejuanupsman:
lol yeah well I am trying to avoid work. so when I see a comment......
thejuanupsman:
By the way I am notorious for accidently deleting friends so If I do..... never intentional and I will ask you to be my friend as soon as I notice, you would think I would learn that is the one place you don't want to click on someone's name but I never seem to, some people have actually been deleted twice....surprised they still speak to me.