After 19 years in a relationship, 12 of them married, 3 kids and more fights than I can keep track of... I am no longer with my wife.
In August of last year, we had our worst fight to date. We didn't speak to each other for a full day. Eventually, we sat down and talked it out. I asked if she wanted to fight for our relationship or end it. And my wife told me that she didn't want to fight anymore. I asked her to clarify and she said that we fight too much and she didn't want to anymore. After a lot more talk, we decided to end our relationship. I'm not going to lie and say that I was exactly wanted to hear. I had recently had a motorbike accident which left me in a wheelchair for 6 weeks. I had hoped that the experience would bring us closer together but she said that she had already "fallen out of love with me". I was hoping to be able to get back what we had but apparently, the moment had passed.
So for almost a year, we lived together in the same house, taking turns to sleep on the sofa or in the bed while my wife desperately tried to find somewhere else to live. The reason for this is that she would get more financial assistance from the government in the UK. However, we very nearly drowned in red tape trying to get things sorted out. So I took it upon myself to look for a place to live. It took me less than a month to find a place. I moved out, in what was possibly the most emotional weekend of my life. I have long held the idea that I am much happier on my own than with other people, but the idea of finally living alone for the first time in my 37 years (parents house to living with my partner, married, children all with her) terrified me. Again, I won't lie and say that I took it well and got on with my life. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep and days where I almost called my Ex to beg her to take me back. I have my kids every weekend from Friday after work to Sunday evening and the lowest I ever got was driving home from dropping them back to my Ex's house. Driving back to an empty house.
BUT! I have been in my new place for a little over a month now and while I am completely aware that there are going to be hard times and challenges ahead, I am very much enjoying the solitude during the week and time with my sons at the weekend. Plus I am much more sociable now than I have ever been.
I know not many people will read this, I feel like this a cathartic exercise for me to get all of this out of my head.
Here's to the future. Unknown and exciting may it ever be.
