heavy mental.
in short for those that don't know.. I've been on the job hunt. hunting for jobs in the fields I want to be in, which is the screen printing and cannabis industry. ideally more in printing. I've sent about 6 emails to printing places. only 1 was decent enough to get back to me, which asked for my resume but I never heard anything back. 2 out of the 4 cannabis dispensaries were decent enough to get back to me. 1 was just a flat out email of the classic "we've decided to proceed with another qualifying candidate." and the other I actually had a 2nd interview through google meet. I thought I did well and confident enough in my knowledge of cannabis but unfortunately that me email yesterday was that classic response again.
even before the pandemic, life was hard with jobs. its been a shitty year since last June. the pandemic isn't making finding new work any easier. here is also my other main dilemma:
how do you break free from your background that's on your resume?
my years that I was so foolish spending killing myself at UPS has basically stained me in "warehouse" or "shipping and distribution". I HATED that place with my whole heart, it led me to quit and here, it still haunts me for every new opportunity. employers see that and say "we'll use this guy up doing the dirty hard work cause of his background". just like when I did land a position in a screen printing warehouse. I knew I wasn't going to be a press operator right away but once again, that UPS ghost put me in "expediting". it was like living a nightmare again.
I understand we all need jobs. those classic lines your parents say to you "a job is a job", "it pays the bills", "no one likes their jobs", bother the fuck out of me. every job I've had so far, i was miserable at and it wore my body out. not to say I can't do those jobs, I seriously prefer not to anymore. I'm 34 and I've had my share of work related injuries, including knee surgery when I was 25.
call me hippie.. but I just don't understand life anymore. this mentality of being miserable to survive. a thought thats's been reoccurring to me is, I'm almost 15 years shy from the age when my dad had a stroke, on my 20th birthday by the way. hypertension was the culprit on that. anxiety, stress and depression will wreak havoc on you and I see it at 34. I do not want what happened to my dad, happen to me. because it was TOUGH. so I try to take care of myself. definitely need more work but I'm trying. what I'm getting at, my dad was a hard working, honest man, just trying to make a buck to provide for his family and BAM, life hits you like that.
I'm trying to be more calm these days because the past few years, I see some of those tensions rising in me. letting EVERYTHING bother me. sometimes I think I care too much. I help too much. to where I make it harder to help myself.
im not asking for the dream job, the dream life. I just want to be happy and content. share my life and interests with someone.