darling0

so, hypothetically, I've been "dating" this boy since October. To make a long story short, he's not from America so the entire time we've been seeing each other (off and on), there has been this huge fucking cloud of impending doom (aka deportation) looming over us. So it's not so unexpected that he would remain distant. at least that's what I told myself.

the other day I found out that he was approved for a visa. he is staying in the country. I found this out through facebook. he has not called, nor so much as texted, to mention that he won't be moving back to his homeland.

now, he's in a band. and tomorrow they are playing a show in which I was going to attend with a friend of mine. and then I find this out. and every part of my being is screaming "you. should. not. go." but not a single time has it said "you won't." why why why do I knowww better, but have a complete inability to listen to rationality? I know exactly how this is gonna end. I'm gonna be the sad one here. and yet, there's a 90% chance I'll still be at his goddamn show.

fuck me.