damagegirl

i tried to update my journal and it all sounded like such a bunch of contrived crap that i had to delete everything and start again. then i had to do it again. i do not have the emotional capacity at this point to try again, so frick it.

...

i worked by myself today, painting my friends house, so by the time i was done i was sealed inside of a mind vaccum for almost 2 hours...the only thing that saved me was a hot shower.

my top favorite things at the moment:

bathing in candlelight
reading all day in bed
soy lattes
suicide girls
the strange desire i keep getting to cook and fix things around my house
(in no order of preference)

baths are good. and candles. my rediscovered relaxation technique. as long as i can carve that 20 minutes out of my shedule just for me, everyting will continue to be swell.

i just got my cell phone bill and almost went pee in my pants when i saw how much it was...i didn't know i had enuf friends to use that much airtime on...this sucks. well, i guess i won't eat for the next two weeks...dang.

i feel like i am suspended inevitably a breath from normalicy, so caught up in doing this nothing that i do not even realize that i am running in place, until times like these, when the emotion wells up inside of me and i feel the cage bars rattling and the panic comes creeping up softly, silently, taking all day to curl its shapeless fingers...
Read More

i am so computer illiterate that i just keep erasing my own enteries...interesting

ha!

another decent day shot to crap...and i am the one left standing...