Right, well, that 'more later' kind of turned into 'pshaw, you're not worth the effort, proletariat scum'. Sorry about that guys, wish I had some decent reason for not updating, like too much work or studies, or recuperating from my injuries in a breath-taking duel with a gang of wandering ruffians in the Biography section of the library. Unfortuantely the truth is far more prosaic: I'm a lazy fucker.
Since I last updated I've been up to the usual shennanigans. On wednesday I was lucky enough to meet up with the ever-lovely Tilly and Dylan (*Pours out a 40 on the kerb*) for coffee and suchlike before they went on to the Mighty Boosh afterparty. However, I soon grew sick of their Boosh-related witterings and almost palmed them off on a homeless man who congratulated me on my luck. Insted I threw money at his head. Whoops. I then later met up with Doplex and thenonstopdancer and proceeded to drink many alcoholic beverages and talk shite. It was fun.
My weekend was fairly noneventful, although I just got home from a Bouncing Souls gig, woo! That is the reason I am currently icky with dried sweat and my left leg smells of beer. Oh yeah ladies, I'm available you know.
Oh, I also had another visit from Crazy Fucking Schizo Lady at work on saturday. She sat at the computer near me continually muttering 'Bah, men are all useless. They are all trash. Men are just nothing more than useless trash. I will kill them all and throw them aside because they are just rubbish. Old man staring at me, act your age, men are all useless and trash and God will punish them'. Not creepy AT ALL.
For the rest of the journal, I'm going to steal shamelessly from burning_in_water. Have a question you always wanted to ask The Big Poppa? Make a comment and ask, I shall edit my journal to answer.
Your Question
Barny: give me the first 5 fules of pimpin bitch
1. Don't be takin' no lip off no bitch. Get yo' ass ovah here beeyatch so I can smack you.
2. Don't be afraid to bring down The Pimp Hand of Justice on a fool, but never mess up no woman's face, that shit's for tha dawgz man.
3. Don't be wearin' those wack-ass furc oats that be all draggin' on the floor an' shit. You fools know how hard it is to be washing all that shit out? I be all up to my elbows in deturgent n' shit.
4. Keep your herd off the shit. Ain't nuttin' wrong with gettin' all up on some stank-ass green now and then, but if yo' bitches be suckin' down on tha' crack pipe n' shit then you need to step in and start disciplining.
5. You gots ta look tha' part. Ain't nobody gonna respect you if you ain't sportin' some fly threadz. And NOBODY does it better than Big Poppa C-Dawg
coldandwet:Um, what would be the ideal question someone could ask you and what would you answer?
That one. And I'd answer with this.
antenna:whats the point of it all? (in a nutshell)
To remain detatched and unfused with the hard ovary wall of the nutshell until able to fertilise and grow into a mighty tree.
badrobot:why don't pelt Terry Pratchett fans with paperclips and withering scorn?
I'm going to assume you mean why don't I do it. My answer to that would be 'fuck off!' whereupon I would retreat to my bedroomw ith my copy of Night Watch. Knobber.
cruelintentions:"The principle of indirect effect has effectifely bridged the gap between horizontal and vertical direct effect, what do you think"
I'm sorry, I don't speak your crazy moon language.
foralways:Where can one buy a decent pirate hat these days?
I'd find out but I'm too busy being harrassed by cute girls dropping guileless hints about their birthday.
La_Zorra:Do you have Jesus in your life?
I do, indeed, have Jesus in my life. Actually, me and Jesus actually play poker on alternate tuesdays ever since I covered for him so his girl wouldn't know he was doing some random girl on the side. I even let him use my place with her once as I really owed him a favour and let me tell you, you do NOT want to be around for the coming of the lord.
mat8drb:Is that kid still locked in the cupboard?
No. don't be silly, of course he isn't. He died AGES ago and was really starting to stink the place up so I pitched him into the bins outside. I figured I'd put him in the recycling bins as I figure he IS biodegradable, right?
Iannnnnn: If I chucked you in the Thames, would you sink or swim?
Neither, I'd make damn sure that water knew to back the fuck up off my shit and then I'd walk to shore.
Huw: ummm can I have a cup of tea please?
Yes, but you'll have to make it yourself. I couldn't brew a decent cuppa to save my life as I shun all hot beverages. Yes, I AM aware that this makes me a terrible Englishman.
Murakami: How can I remove this stain?
Baking soda, lemon, vinegar and THE PURIFYING FLAMES OF THE PYRE.
Sylph: So how many prostitutes HAVE you killed with hammers?
I would just like to make it very clear at this point that at NO POINT have I EVER killed a prostittue with a hammer...
... I use the hammer to crack and pulverise their knees to prevent escape. I like to use a steak knife I have christened 'Mammon, Cleansing Blade of the Putrefaction' to deliver the killing blow.
Yorkie: If one of those shite indie bands like, say, Hard-Fi, Arctic Monkeys or similar, are playing in a forest and no-one is around to hear them, do they still sound shite?
... Do you even need to ask?
Midwinter: Tell me why! You don't like Mondays...
Because I want to shoot the whole day down.
Do you know HOW MUCH shitty, schmaltz-drenched, unoriginal, formulaic, soul-rendingly bad 'material' Garfield has milked out of ONE FUCKING DAY OF THE WEEK?!
Fenstarz: If pi(e) is 3.1416 then what is pastie?
About 5cm across at a guess.
Since I last updated I've been up to the usual shennanigans. On wednesday I was lucky enough to meet up with the ever-lovely Tilly and Dylan (*Pours out a 40 on the kerb*) for coffee and suchlike before they went on to the Mighty Boosh afterparty. However, I soon grew sick of their Boosh-related witterings and almost palmed them off on a homeless man who congratulated me on my luck. Insted I threw money at his head. Whoops. I then later met up with Doplex and thenonstopdancer and proceeded to drink many alcoholic beverages and talk shite. It was fun.
My weekend was fairly noneventful, although I just got home from a Bouncing Souls gig, woo! That is the reason I am currently icky with dried sweat and my left leg smells of beer. Oh yeah ladies, I'm available you know.
Oh, I also had another visit from Crazy Fucking Schizo Lady at work on saturday. She sat at the computer near me continually muttering 'Bah, men are all useless. They are all trash. Men are just nothing more than useless trash. I will kill them all and throw them aside because they are just rubbish. Old man staring at me, act your age, men are all useless and trash and God will punish them'. Not creepy AT ALL.
For the rest of the journal, I'm going to steal shamelessly from burning_in_water. Have a question you always wanted to ask The Big Poppa? Make a comment and ask, I shall edit my journal to answer.
Your Question
Barny: give me the first 5 fules of pimpin bitch
1. Don't be takin' no lip off no bitch. Get yo' ass ovah here beeyatch so I can smack you.
2. Don't be afraid to bring down The Pimp Hand of Justice on a fool, but never mess up no woman's face, that shit's for tha dawgz man.
3. Don't be wearin' those wack-ass furc oats that be all draggin' on the floor an' shit. You fools know how hard it is to be washing all that shit out? I be all up to my elbows in deturgent n' shit.
4. Keep your herd off the shit. Ain't nuttin' wrong with gettin' all up on some stank-ass green now and then, but if yo' bitches be suckin' down on tha' crack pipe n' shit then you need to step in and start disciplining.
5. You gots ta look tha' part. Ain't nobody gonna respect you if you ain't sportin' some fly threadz. And NOBODY does it better than Big Poppa C-Dawg
coldandwet:Um, what would be the ideal question someone could ask you and what would you answer?
That one. And I'd answer with this.
antenna:whats the point of it all? (in a nutshell)
To remain detatched and unfused with the hard ovary wall of the nutshell until able to fertilise and grow into a mighty tree.
badrobot:why don't pelt Terry Pratchett fans with paperclips and withering scorn?
I'm going to assume you mean why don't I do it. My answer to that would be 'fuck off!' whereupon I would retreat to my bedroomw ith my copy of Night Watch. Knobber.
cruelintentions:"The principle of indirect effect has effectifely bridged the gap between horizontal and vertical direct effect, what do you think"
I'm sorry, I don't speak your crazy moon language.
foralways:Where can one buy a decent pirate hat these days?
I'd find out but I'm too busy being harrassed by cute girls dropping guileless hints about their birthday.
La_Zorra:Do you have Jesus in your life?
I do, indeed, have Jesus in my life. Actually, me and Jesus actually play poker on alternate tuesdays ever since I covered for him so his girl wouldn't know he was doing some random girl on the side. I even let him use my place with her once as I really owed him a favour and let me tell you, you do NOT want to be around for the coming of the lord.
mat8drb:Is that kid still locked in the cupboard?
No. don't be silly, of course he isn't. He died AGES ago and was really starting to stink the place up so I pitched him into the bins outside. I figured I'd put him in the recycling bins as I figure he IS biodegradable, right?
Iannnnnn: If I chucked you in the Thames, would you sink or swim?
Neither, I'd make damn sure that water knew to back the fuck up off my shit and then I'd walk to shore.
Huw: ummm can I have a cup of tea please?
Yes, but you'll have to make it yourself. I couldn't brew a decent cuppa to save my life as I shun all hot beverages. Yes, I AM aware that this makes me a terrible Englishman.
Murakami: How can I remove this stain?
Baking soda, lemon, vinegar and THE PURIFYING FLAMES OF THE PYRE.
Sylph: So how many prostitutes HAVE you killed with hammers?
I would just like to make it very clear at this point that at NO POINT have I EVER killed a prostittue with a hammer...
... I use the hammer to crack and pulverise their knees to prevent escape. I like to use a steak knife I have christened 'Mammon, Cleansing Blade of the Putrefaction' to deliver the killing blow.
Yorkie: If one of those shite indie bands like, say, Hard-Fi, Arctic Monkeys or similar, are playing in a forest and no-one is around to hear them, do they still sound shite?
... Do you even need to ask?
Midwinter: Tell me why! You don't like Mondays...
Because I want to shoot the whole day down.
Do you know HOW MUCH shitty, schmaltz-drenched, unoriginal, formulaic, soul-rendingly bad 'material' Garfield has milked out of ONE FUCKING DAY OF THE WEEK?!
Fenstarz: If pi(e) is 3.1416 then what is pastie?
About 5cm across at a guess.
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but then... i do remember u picking Iannnnnn up....