New Year, new challenges, new questions and new realisations.
I've started to try and be a bit more honest with myself when it comes down to my wants, desires and actions. I'm coming to the hard realisation that I've spent most my life cooped up in my protective shell, 'playing it safe' and being afraid of exploring both the world and ultimately my inner self. For as long as I can remember I have had two major fears in my life - being 'damaged' and not being accepted; the idea that people wont like or accept me seems to have governed my lifes actions with an iron fist.
This realisation has partly come about as my involvement in the SG community has become almost a daily ritual, and something that I really enjoy and look forward to; however this now presents me with a problem. The reason I think I was first attracted to SG was not only the community structure and spirit, but that people seemingly accept everyone for who they are without question or raised eyebrow; I dont know if this is a by-product of the goth, punk rocker or tattoo culture, but its refreshing and a real novelty. The result of this in me is that I now feel able to express myself without inhibition in the form of my journal writings, pictures and even the possibility of posting a couple of photosets that I wouldnt otherwise normally do; most significantly SG allows me to be myself and explore my thoughts without fear of retribution or ridicule. The problem here and now is that I dont want my new and explored self to become some kind of secret or something I must hide from the non-SG world around me; yet opening myself up in the real world as I do on SG is a frightening thought - but something I now feel I must do.
Starting with 2004 I am going to start enjoying life and not holding back on things I want to do simply because Im fearful someone might not approve or think its stupid; furthermore Im going to start being more myself and accepting that if people dont like it its tough. I now realise that whatever I do is an exploration and journey I can enjoy.
WOW! That was deep
My questions to you are:
1. What things do you want or keep meaning to do?
2. Has SG allowed you to express yourself more and if so in what way?
3. Is there something that your tempted to try, but cant work up the nerve?
My answers are:
1. Do more photography, learn to play piano again, and learn a foreign language
2. Yes, in my journal writings and possibly in my photography later on
3. The BCB group want nekkid photosets, Im working on the nerve!
I've started to try and be a bit more honest with myself when it comes down to my wants, desires and actions. I'm coming to the hard realisation that I've spent most my life cooped up in my protective shell, 'playing it safe' and being afraid of exploring both the world and ultimately my inner self. For as long as I can remember I have had two major fears in my life - being 'damaged' and not being accepted; the idea that people wont like or accept me seems to have governed my lifes actions with an iron fist.
This realisation has partly come about as my involvement in the SG community has become almost a daily ritual, and something that I really enjoy and look forward to; however this now presents me with a problem. The reason I think I was first attracted to SG was not only the community structure and spirit, but that people seemingly accept everyone for who they are without question or raised eyebrow; I dont know if this is a by-product of the goth, punk rocker or tattoo culture, but its refreshing and a real novelty. The result of this in me is that I now feel able to express myself without inhibition in the form of my journal writings, pictures and even the possibility of posting a couple of photosets that I wouldnt otherwise normally do; most significantly SG allows me to be myself and explore my thoughts without fear of retribution or ridicule. The problem here and now is that I dont want my new and explored self to become some kind of secret or something I must hide from the non-SG world around me; yet opening myself up in the real world as I do on SG is a frightening thought - but something I now feel I must do.
Starting with 2004 I am going to start enjoying life and not holding back on things I want to do simply because Im fearful someone might not approve or think its stupid; furthermore Im going to start being more myself and accepting that if people dont like it its tough. I now realise that whatever I do is an exploration and journey I can enjoy.
WOW! That was deep
My questions to you are:
1. What things do you want or keep meaning to do?
2. Has SG allowed you to express yourself more and if so in what way?
3. Is there something that your tempted to try, but cant work up the nerve?
My answers are:
1. Do more photography, learn to play piano again, and learn a foreign language
2. Yes, in my journal writings and possibly in my photography later on
3. The BCB group want nekkid photosets, Im working on the nerve!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
2. YES! SG has been an all around school in self acceptance and expression.
3. hmmm....
your journal was very raw, thank you. i think if you accept how you are, when you show it to the world, no one can argue with that. it's only when you express with apology that it allows an attack. go for it. you know you have the support group here.
2) Erm think it just suits who I am already ??? But is a nice place to come and be me???
3) Been offered an audition for a job that I always wanted to try but I am not a 6ft goddess........... we will see.......